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Do you agree or disagree with the statement that television advertisements affect young children s behavior Please include reasons and examples in your answer

that television advertisements affect young children s behavior Please include reasons and examples in your answer GMo92
Advertisement influence on children Today in the fast-growing technological world, businesses are using various media to grow and advertise their products. However, I believe that advertisements influence children in numerous ways. Children want to buy every product they like even though they do not have much understanding that which one is better for them. Also, commercial in media affects the eating habits of kids; further, it provides exposure to risky stunts to children. First, companies use advertisements to increase their sales. They introduce the product in the commercial as attractive and interesting, so kids want to buy the product. Children around the world spend billions of dollars buying products which they do not even like, just because of the advertisement introduce product exciting. I would like to give an example from my personal life experience; I have a son, who asks for a robot car even though he is not a big fan of robots. One day he saw an advertisement about it, and he got excited to buy that toy. I bought that robot car for him, and he did not even play with it for a week before he got bored. That money was all got wasted on the expensive toy. Second, nowadays, childhood obesity is becoming a huge problem because it brings various diseases with it. Advertisements for food play an important role in developing unhealthy habits among kids. It is causing a serious issue for parents, who are trying to develop good eating habits for their children. For example, I like to cook healthy food at home every day, however, my kids demand soda and pizza for dinner because they are surrounded by all the junk food commercials. Children are not mentally mature enough to make decisions about good or bad choices, especially involving their food choices. In this type of situation, it becomes difficult for the parents to stop them from making the wrong choices. Lastly, as I mentioned earlier, commercials on media involve stunts and they do not educate about not performing that stunt at home. I believe that sometimes it can put some kid’s life in danger. For instance, one day my son and his friend were playing, and his friend told him that he saw an advertisement on television that after drinking energy drinks he can become a strong man. Also, he can jump from a height without getting hurt. Thankfully, their teacher got on time and he stopped them before anyone got hurt. In conclusion, I strongly believe that advertisements should be banned on children’s television shows. It certainly influences them in a bad way. Children buy unnecessary products, develop unhealthy eating habits, also, they attempt dangerous stunt.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
influence on children

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-growing technological world, businesses are using various media to grow and advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in numerous ways.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
they like
even though
they do not have much understanding that which one is better for them.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
in media affects the eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
;
further
, it provides exposure to risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stunts
to children.

First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to increase their sales. They introduce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
as attractive and interesting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
around the world spend billions of dollars buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which they do not even like,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
exciting. I would like to give an example from my personal life experience; I have a son, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asks for
a robot car
even though
he is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fan of robots. One day he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
about it, and he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
excited to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
that toy. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
that robot car for him, and he did not even play with it for a week
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
bored. That money was all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
wasted on the expensive toy.

Second, nowadays, childhood obesity is becoming a huge problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings various diseases with it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in developing unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. It is causing a serious issue for parents, who are trying to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, I like to cook healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home every day,
however
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
demand soda and pizza for dinner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are surrounded
by all the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
commercials.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are not mentally mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
choices,
especially
involving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices. In this type of situation, it becomes difficult for the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from making the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices.

Lastly
, as I mentioned earlier, commercials on media involve
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stunts and
they do not educate about not performing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stunt
at home. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it can put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
life in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
For instance
, one day my son and his friend were playing, and his friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
him that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
on television that after drinking energy drinks he can become a strong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
Also
, he can jump from a height without getting hurt.
Thankfully
, their teacher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
hurt.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should
be banned
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. It
certainly
influences them in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, develop unhealthy eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
,
also
, they attempt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stunt
.
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IELTS essay that television advertisements affect young children s behavior Please include reasons and examples in your answer

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
447 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Do you agree or disagree with the statement that television advertisements affect young children s behavior Please include reasons and examples in your answer