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Thanks to the new human civilization, education is now available for most people.

Thanks to the new human civilization, education is now available for most people. jR1EN
Thanks to the new human civilization, education is now available for most people. However, it seems to be controversial. While some psychologists believe that is not essential for every individual, some others argue that it is a valuable chance. In my view, going to the university is not obligatory for every people, but I think it has got many beneficial aspects which make that so effective to join. First and foremost, going to university expands the circle of people's friends. As a result, having more friends gives people a sense of attachment to a particular community. Furthermore, this particular sense prevents students from prevalent types of mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, alcoholism, etc. For instance, when I went to the university for the first time, I did not have any good friends to trust and share my feelings and emotions with him; respectively, I felt depressed most of the time; besides, I was suffering from solitude. Nevertheless, the university provided me a unique opportunity to find suitable friends, and I used it as I found many good friends. Second, university trains students not only for their lessons but also for their future life. As an exemplification, making different scientific projects demands outstanding teamwork skills, and every student learns that unconsciously after a series of trials and errors. Besides, interaction with a wide variety of people about different kinds of topics teaches students how to manage their relationships with others and control themselves in different situations, more importantly, how to express their emotions healthily. To prove that, new research has shown that people who have had an academic education in their lives will have more stable relationships with their partners in the future, and it means they have an excellent ability to lead their relationships on the correct path. In conclusion, according to the reasons mentioned above, I believe people attend university to find new friends and build precious skills for their whole lives.
Thanks to the new human civilization, education is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, it seems to be controversial. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychologists believe
that is
not essential for every individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others argue that it is a valuable chance. In my view, going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is not obligatory for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beneficial aspects which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
.

First
and foremost, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
expands the circle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
As a result
, having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of attachment to a particular community.
Furthermore
, this particular sense
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from prevalent types of mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, alcoholism, etc.
For instance
, when I went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for the
first
time, I did not have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to trust and share my feelings and emotions with him;
respectively
, I felt depressed most of the time;
besides
, I was suffering from solitude.
Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
provided me a unique opportunity to find suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it as I found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
trains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for their future life. As an exemplification, making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scientific projects demands outstanding teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learns that
unconsciously
after a series of trials and errors.
Besides
, interaction with a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of topics teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
how to manage their relationships with others and control themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations, more
importantly
, how to express their emotions
healthily
. To prove that, new research has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have had an academic education in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will have more stable relationships with their partners in the future, and it means they have an excellent ability to lead their relationships on the correct path.

In conclusion
, according to the reasons mentioned above, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to find new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and build precious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay Thanks to the new human civilization, education is now available for most people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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