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Education Su tem is significantly commercialised in every part of the world

Education Su tem is significantly commercialised in every part of the world 7Pkek
Education is important tool to have in this world. It is way of imparting knowledge, skill and learning. Education is the first thing come after basic necessities. In contrast, education has been commercialised now a days in every corner of the world to let more people be access easily. I believe, education has been commercialised in many ways, which further discussed in the essay. First of all, commercialisation brings many changes in educational patten. It has been now a business of knowledge. In today's world, private education fees touches the sky, it has became hurdle for the backward and middle class people. Although, education emphasis more on marks rather than focus on knowledge and one's development. Besides this, there are many merits of commercialised education such as it will lead to better opportunities in terms of job and employment. Even, it will help to overcome the global challenges. Although, increase in number of educational institution will provide better educational opportunities. Secondly, Many educational institutions acquiring higher companies which provide better job opportunities for the students. People can find job orientated course, which help to getter better job. Overall, there are many advantages of commercialised education system which helps to improve employment same time it also help to develop one's personality and make student cable to withstand on global world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool to have in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. It is way of imparting knowledge,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and learning.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is the
first
thing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
after
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialised' is British English.
commercialised
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
in every corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
be access
easily
. I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialised' is British English.
commercialised
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, which
further
discussed in the essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialisation' is British English.
commercialisation
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
Possible spelling mistake found.
patten
. It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a business of knowledge. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
fees touches the sky, it has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
hurdle for the backward and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
emphasis more on marks
rather
than focus on knowledge and one's development.

Besides
this, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits of
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialised' is British English.
commercialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
such as it will lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunities in terms of job and employment. Even, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to overcome the global challenges.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, increase in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institution will provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
opportunities.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institutions acquiring higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job opportunities for the students.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can find job orientated course, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to getter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job.

Overall
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
Possible spelling mistake. 'commercialised' is British English.
commercialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
employment same time it
also
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to develop one's personality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
student cable to withstand on global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.

IELTS essay Education Su tem is significantly commercialised in every part of the world

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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