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Tell about how you converted your fear into your success

Tell about how you converted your fear into your success jQdJ1
I used to be a very shy person. Interacting with a stranger even by just standing next to him was the hardest experience in the world for me. Until my parents told me that from fifth grade I will be studying in an international school. A variety of people, faces, nationalities, cultures, personalities. How is it like to talk with them? From where should I start? Can I just sit in my place and don’t bother anyone? I haven’t had any other choice. If I wanted to survive, I had to communicate. I learned how to do the first step towards a person I want to learn about. It was hard since I was only starting to learn English and knew some basic words like “Hey” “How are you? ” “What’s your name? ” and they had advanced knowledge of the language. On the third day of school, I saw the victim, standing in the corridor in front of her locker. Seems she is my age. Twenty-three steps towards her, deep breath, and “Hi, My name is Shahzoda? ” She looked at me with a questioning face, but after immediately softened and said “Oh hi, my name is Nada Saleh Alzahrani, you can call me just Nada”. I breathed out with relief. Now I have a friend from Saudi Arabia and it was amazing. It turned out she has been studying here for almost 3 years, so she showed me the whole school campus and introduced me to some friends of hers. They were completely different from my first idea of them. Friendly, supportive, kind, and caring human beings. I learned about their cultures, traditions and when my mom was taking me home I was so excited to tell her about different countries and how wonderful they are. At home, I was opening Google and was learning about countries, their placement, population, national clothes, and foods myself. Learned the dates of their national holidays so on that day I will be able to congratulate them. That year my biggest fear turned into my biggest desire. I loved to communicate and now it is the best part of my personality. Our nationalities, races, religions, and orientations may be different, but we all are humans. The decision of my parents to change my school has changed my life by 180 degrees and now I want to work with people, to contact them, to help and spend my time among them. I’m proud that I was brave and fought my fear. I succeeded.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
shy person. Interacting with a stranger even by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
standing
next
to him was the hardest experience in the world for me.
“Until” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Until
my parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that from fifth grade I will be studying in an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. A variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, faces, nationalities, cultures, personalities.
Did you mean "What"?
How
is it like to talk with them? From where should I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
? Can I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit in my place and don’t bother anyone? I haven’t had any other choice. If I wanted to survive, I had to communicate. I learned how to do the
first
step towards a person I want to learn about. It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
since I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
starting to learn English and knew
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic words like “Hey” “How are you? ” “What’s your name? ” and they had advanced knowledge of the language. On the third day of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the victim, standing in the corridor in front of her locker. Seems she is my age. Twenty-three steps towards her, deep breath, and “Hi, My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shahzoda
? ” She looked at me with a questioning face,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after immediately softened and said “Oh hi, my name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nada
Possible spelling mistake found.
Saleh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alzahrani
, you can call me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nada
”. I breathed out with relief.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I have a friend from Saudi Arabia and it was amazing. It turned out she has been studying here for almost 3 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
me the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
campus and introduced me to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
friends of hers. They were completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from my
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of them. Friendly, supportive, kind, and caring human beings. I learned about their cultures, traditions and when my mom was taking me home I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
her about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and how wonderful they are. At home, I was opening Google and was learning about countries, their placement, population, national clothes, and foods myself. Learned the dates of their national holidays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on that day I will be able to congratulate them. That year my biggest fear turned into my biggest desire. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to communicate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is the best part of my personality. Our nationalities, races, religions, and orientations may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we all are humans. The decision of my parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my life by 180 degrees and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I want to work with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, to contact them, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and spend my time among them. I’m proud that I was brave and fought my fear. I succeeded.
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IELTS essay Tell about how you converted your fear into your success

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
420 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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