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the opinions of celebrities are more important to younger people than to the older people?

the opinions of celebrities are more important to younger people than to the older people? 2bP0o
Since the beginning of this century, people has become more impressed with the celebrities. Famous people nowadays spread their thoughts through the social media. From personal point of view, young people can easily be influenced with their ideas more than older people given that young people tend to watch social media more than older ones, a lot of famous entertainers are young, and most of old people trust their own opinion. Below I will strive to explain my supporting points in more details. The foremost point, young people have a great accessibility to the social media through the internet; moreover, they can follow celebrities’ accounts on Facebook or Instagram. For example, the youths in Egypt interested in the famous singer Amer Diab, during the previous Egyptian election he supported Abdel Fatah el-sisi, likewise lots of his fans voted to the same candidate. However, their parents did not know Amer Diab’s point of view, because they do not have Facebook. Consequently, youth tend to be influenced by the famous entertainers more than old people. Coupled with, young people watch public media more, lots of famous entertainers and athletes are young another reason for their great influential on youths and teenagers. For example, the Liverpool footballer Mohamed Salah is an icon and role model for young people in Egypt, because he embodies the ideal of a young person who has achieved his dreams. Furthermore, people are interested more to people who fall in their own age. Therefore, younger person care about celebrities’ opinion more than older people. Finally, old people believe that they are wise enough to trust their own points of views. Given that they have lived more in this world, they have more experience. A survey conducted by Psychological National Association center in California found that older people did not listen to what celebrities thought of a specific subject. Provided that old people do not trust celebrities, they will not be influenced with their opinion. As a result, celebrities’ thoughts are not important to the older people. Taking everything into a consideration, without a doubt famous entertainers’ opinion are more significant to younger people. It is suggested to guide teenagers how to interpret celebrities’ influence to focus in the positive impacts.
Since the beginning of this century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
become more impressed with the
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celebrities
.
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Famous
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people
nowadays spread their thoughts through the social
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media
. From personal
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point
of view,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
be influenced
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
more than
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older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
more than
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older
ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
are
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young
, and most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
trust their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
. Below I will strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my supporting
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points
in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

The foremost
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point
,
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young
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people
have a great accessibility to the social
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media
through the internet;
moreover
, they can follow
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celebrities’
accounts on Facebook or Instagram.
For example
, the youths in Egypt interested in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
singer Amer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Diab
, during the previous Egyptian election he supported
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abdel
Fatah
Possible spelling mistake found.
el-sisi
,
likewise
lots of his fans voted to the same candidate.
However
, their parents did not know Amer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Diab
’s
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point
of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have Facebook.
Consequently
, youth tend to
be influenced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Coupled with,
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
more, lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
and athletes are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
another reason for their great influential on youths and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
For example
, the Liverpool footballer Mohamed Salah is an icon and role model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Egypt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he embodies the ideal of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person who has achieved his dreams.
Furthermore
,
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people
are interested
more to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who fall in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
age.
Therefore
, younger person care about
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celebrities’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finally
,
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they are wise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to trust their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
of views.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
more in this world, they have more experience. A survey conducted by Psychological National Association center in California found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not listen to what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of a specific subject. Provided that
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not trust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, they will not
be influenced
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
.
As a result
,
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celebrities’
thoughts are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Taking everything into a consideration, without a doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
are more significant to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
is suggested
to guide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
how to interpret
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celebrities’
influence to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts.
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IELTS essay the opinions of celebrities are more important to younger people than to the older people?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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