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Teenagers should be encouraged to work part-time. Discuss both sides and provide your own opinion.

There is an increasing trend that more parents encourage children to take part-time jobs. However, should students work for a small amount of time? Although working after schools should not be encouraged, in my opnion, part-time jobs benefit adolescents’ future career development. On the one hand, working part-time jobs assists teenagers to embark on their careers. Obtaining a decent job is the primary goal for most juveniles after graudation. To secure their first full time occupation, acquiring necessary work experiences is vital. Working after school provides opportunities for school pupils to accumulate social skills. These skills cannot be acquired from the school curriculum as achieving excellent academic performance is the primary goal from teachers’ perspective. However, when students graduate, the majority of them will seek for a decent job. If school pupils have accumulated work experiences from previous part-time jobs, standing out from other candidates will be much easier because many employers are more in favour of experienced staff. On the other hand, taking part-time works should not be encouraged as it can negatively influence children’s mental health. Students have to shoulder onerous academic workloads, which will take adolecents tremendous time to complete. When finishing up school assignments, there is only limited leisure time for children to participate in enjoyable activities. Enjoying extracurricular activities assurres teenagers to relax themselves, which can bring enormous benefits to their mental health. In contrast, if teenagers spend their leisure time taking short-time shifts, avoiding errors during work hours leaves children in high tension. This kind of pressure can bring a detrimental impact on students’ mental health. Nevertheless, part-time jobs for juveniles are usually simple taskes, which are easy to operate. Taking uncomplicated jobs will not lay much pressure on teenagers. In conclusion, despite that working part-time jobs should not be recommended as they might stree adolescents, many such short time shifts are not complex and can help children prepare for future careers by accumulating work experience
There is an increasing trend that more parents encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, should
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
? Although
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working
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should not
be encouraged
, in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
opnion
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
benefit adolescents’ future career development.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
assists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to embark on their careers. Obtaining a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is the primary goal for most juveniles after
Possible spelling mistake found.
graudation
. To secure their
first
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
occupation, acquiring necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences is vital.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provides opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils to accumulate social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
cannot
be acquired
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum as achieving excellent academic performance is the primary goal from teachers’ perspective.
However
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
graduate, the majority of them will seek for a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. If
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school
pupils have accumulated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences from previous part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, standing out from other candidates will be much easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers are more in
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
of experienced staff.

On the other hand
, taking part-time works should not
be encouraged
as it can
negatively
influence
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children’s
mental health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shoulder onerous academic workloads, which will take
Possible spelling mistake found.
adolecents
tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to complete. When finishing up
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school
assignments, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited leisure
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time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in enjoyable activities. Enjoying extracurricular activities
Possible spelling mistake found.
assurres
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to relax themselves, which can bring enormous benefits to their mental health.
In contrast
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
taking short-time shifts, avoiding errors during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in high tension. This kind of pressure can bring a detrimental impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
mental health.
Nevertheless
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for juveniles are
usually
simple
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “tasks”, the plural form of the noun ‘task’?
taskes
, which are easy to operate. Taking uncomplicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will not lay much pressure on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

In conclusion
, despite that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
should not
be recommended
as they might
Possible spelling mistake found.
stree
adolescents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
such short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
shifts are not complex and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prepare for future careers by accumulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience
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IELTS essay Teenagers should be encouraged to work part-time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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