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Technology has become more and more advance over the last decade

Technology has become more and more advance over the last decade 7a6BA
Technology has become more and more advance over the last decade, especially mobile phone. A smart phone, nowadays, is capable at doing almost anything including making payment through apps. In this essay, I will discuss why the advantages of using E-payment is far greater than its disadvantage. First, making payment through mobile phone is always more convenient than cash payment. For example, we only need carry our phone whenever we go out to make purchase because our banking information are stored and completed seamlessly within the device. The second advantage of using mobile phone as daily payment method is security. A lot of apps and mobile phone companies equip their state-of-the-art security system to protect the customers information from fraudulent activities. For instance, Apple customers are worry-free about making payment online since all the transactions are protected by top-class security offered by Apple. On the other hand, customer would concern about information breach. A lot of customers are reluctant to try out mobile payment since they do not have trust that their confidential data are safe. For example, Facebook’s attempt to gain E-payment market share fail miserably when they introduced its mobile payment through Messengers given that they have bad reputation with data privacy. Customers do not want to use the payment since they are afraid their information will be leaked out. In conclusion, even though there is concern over data breaching of mobile payment, using mobile phone to make payment has proven to be much more convenient and secured as compared to cash payment. There is no doubt that mobile payment will become better and smarter in the future.
Technology has become more and more advance over the last decade,
especially
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. A smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, nowadays, is capable at doing almost anything including making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
through apps. In this essay, I will discuss why the advantages of using E-payment is far greater than its disadvantage.

First
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
through mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is always more convenient than cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
.
For example
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need carry our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
whenever we go out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our banking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
are stored
and completed
seamlessly
within the device. The second advantage of using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
as daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
method is security.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
apps and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
equip their state-of-the-art security system to protect the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "customers'" or "customer's"?
customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from fraudulent activities.
For instance
, Apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are worry-free about making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
online since all the transactions
are protected
by top-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
security offered by Apple.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
would concern about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
breach.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are reluctant to try out mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
since they do not have trust that their confidential data are safe.
For example
, Facebook’s attempt to gain E-payment market share fail
miserably
when they introduced its mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
through Messengers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
reputation with data privacy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Customers
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
since they are afraid their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
will
be leaked
out.

In conclusion
,
even though
there is concern over data breaching of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
has proven to be much more convenient and secured as compared to cash
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
. There is no doubt that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
will become better and smarter in the future.
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IELTS essay Technology has become more and more advance over the last decade

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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