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imporving existing transport or building new railways

imporving existing transport or building new railways JoaW0
People are separated into two groups about building new railways in some countries. One group states that it is necessary to spend numerous number of money to build new railways for fast travel between cities, and the other states this money must spend for improving existing transportation. In my opinion, this money should be spent to improve existing transportation. First point of view, new railways that can contain very fast trains between cities can reduce the time in trip. Thus, it can be gained amount of time to passengers. Also, this can reduce the number of cars that traveling between cities because trains can go other cities much faster. Moreover, it can increase the comfort of the travels. New super- fast trains will be more comfortable, enjoyable etc. Especially, give time to passenger to have a rest because they will not drive car or will not seat at any uncomfortable train or bus seat. On contrary, not all city livers travel between cities all the time. It would not be very useful for them. There are less people need to travel between cities most frequent. On the other hand, city livers go everywhere in city every time. That is their right to want more comfortable buses in city transportation. It can affect the pollution and traffic problems in cities because there would be less people use their own cars. They would use public transportation instead of their cars if the public transportation would be more comfortable. However, they already have public transport, on contrary they do not have railways. To sum up, improving existing public transport is more important than building new railways in terms of pollution, traffic problems, usage etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are separated
into two groups about building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. One group states that it is necessary to spend numerous number of money to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, and the other states this money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend for improving existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. In my opinion, this money should
be spent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
existing transportation.

First
point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
that can contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in trip.
Thus
, it can
be gained
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to passengers.
Also
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
that traveling between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
can go other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
much faster.
Moreover
, it can increase the comfort of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
super-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
will be more comfortable, enjoyable etc.
Especially
, give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to passenger to have a rest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will not drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
or will not seat at any uncomfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
or bus seat. On contrary, not all city livers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for them. There are
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
most frequent.

On the other hand
, city livers go everywhere in city every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
That is
their right to want more comfortable buses in city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. It can affect the pollution and traffic problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there would be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. They would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
instead
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
would be more comfortable.
However
, they already have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport, on contrary they do not have railways.

To sum up, improving existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
in terms of pollution, traffic problems, usage etc.
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IELTS essay imporving existing transport or building new railways

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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