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talk about hunger problems

talk about hunger problems PWGed
Nowadays, people have more desire of food with sugar than before. The reason that cause this situation, may due to the development of our food industry. They create a lots of food with special tastes, no matter its high calories, high salinity or high sugar, it all become an addition when it comes to our choice of food, whether we want it or not. The only way to stop this, seems to be the price of the food. For instance, I have a friend who is a severe lover of bubble milk tea, she likes it when she can gain a great amount of sugar in every single cup she drinks. However, few month ago, the price of the bubble milk tea just increased, even though my friend do love to drink it, but the price appears to become a gap between she and the beverages. She used to be a person who drinks the bubble milk tea with high levels of sugar in everyday meals, regardless of how her parents warned her about the consequences of her diet, she still won’t listen, yet the price is the only reason that draw her back to normal eating habits, and this state of affairs made me realized how the price of a food can effect a person. Despite of the benefits of more expensive sugary products can bring to our society, there is still some disadvantages of this activity. Such as the decrease incomes of the sugary factories, or the masses may come up with some protests against the business who higher up the price of their products, and the businesses instead have to carry more social response for their actions. However, even though making the price of the sugary products could cause a few detriment effect in some ways, yet the health of the individual person is the essential essence to our community. Not everyone have the ability to turn down the high sugar food or drinks, in spite of using the price to stop people from getting it, is indeed a negative way to solve this problem, but it’s the most useful way we can deal with this situation. In my opinion, the advantage of this action is more than its disadvantage, thus I agree the sugary should be more expensive.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The reason that cause this situation, may due to the development of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry. They create
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with special tastes, no matter its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
calories,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salinity or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, it all become an addition when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to our choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, whether we want it or not. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this, seems to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of the food.

For instance
, I have a friend who is a severe lover of bubble milk tea, she likes it when she can gain a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in every single cup she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
However
, few month ago, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of the bubble milk tea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increased,
even though
my friend do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
appears to become a gap
Incorrect form of the pronoun 'she'. Use: "between her".
between she
and the beverages. She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
the bubble milk tea with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in everyday meals, regardless of how her parents warned her about the consequences of her diet, she
still
won’t listen,
yet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason that draw her back to normal eating habits, and this state of affairs made me realized how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can effect a person.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the benefits of more expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
products can bring to our society, there is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of this activity. Such as the decrease incomes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
factories, or the masses may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
protests against the business who higher up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of their products, and the businesses
instead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
carry more social response for their actions.

However
,
even though
making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
products could cause a
Possible agreement error. The noun detriment seems to be uncountable; consider using: "little detriment".
few detriment
effect in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways,
yet
the health of the individual person is the essential essence to our community. Not everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
the ability to turn down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from getting it, is
indeed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way to solve this problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s the most useful way we can deal with this situation. In my opinion, the advantage of this action is more than its disadvantage,
thus
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
should be more expensive.
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IELTS essay talk about hunger problems

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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