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talk about a soccerperson that you admire

talk about a soccerperson that you admire 2PVYj
When you ask me about my favorite football player, I will definitely answer it is Zlatan Ibrahimovic. He grew up in an unhappy family, his parents had to divorce when he was very young. Due to living in an environment without love, Zlatan became a thief at a young age. Ibrahimovic's life went on with the thefts and the beatings of his mother. However, thanks to football, has changed from a kid stealing to a professional footballer, a legitimate earning career. I admire him because he doesn't give in to the situation, just keeps moving forward. That is why Zlatan Ibrahimovic's football style has been created, he is not afraid of an opponent and is now considered one of the best strikers in Swedish football, as well as one of the best players in the world. the best player of his generation
When you ask me about my favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
player, I will definitely answer it is
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Zlatan
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Ibrahimovic
. He grew up in an unhappy family, his parents had to divorce when he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young. Due to living in an environment without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
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Zlatan
became a thief at a young age.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ibrahimovic
's life went on with the thefts and the beatings of his mother.
However
, thanks to
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football
, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from a kid stealing to a professional footballer, a legitimate earning career. I admire him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he doesn't give in to the situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
moving forward.
That is
why
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Zlatan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ibrahimovic
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
style has
been created
, he is not afraid of an opponent and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
considered one of the best strikers in Swedish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
,
as well
as one of the best players in the world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
best player of his
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
generation
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IELTS essay talk about a soccerperson that you admire

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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