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t is more important for the government to spend public funds on promoting a healthy lifestyle than treatment. Do you agree or disagree?

One school of thought is that instead of budgeting to cure illnesses, the government should focus financial resources on shaping a healthy lifestyle among citizens to prevent health issues. From my perspective, I object to this idea because both treatment and prevention are equally important. On the one hand, further investment in simulate physical activities and eradicating alcohol addiction is crucial to reduce the potential threat of serious ailments. First and foremost, the world has been witnessing an increasing number of cases of obesity and heart diseases which are allegedly under the influence of sedentary lifestyle. Therefore, it is necessary for authorities to construct more communal facilities such as public playgrounds and gardens with the aim to encourage people to attend outdoor activities. Furthermore, it goes without saying that the popular habit of drinking beer or wine, in Vietnam for example, is the culprit of a myriad of traffic accidents and cancers. The Vietnamese government, hence, has to grant extra fundings to education campaigns to change people’s perception of drinking culture and tightening management of consumption of alcoholic liquor. On the other hand, an equal concentration of money is essentially required to build extra medical infrastructure and research for more advanced medication. To commence with, apart from diseases associated with the unhealthy style of living, human beings are afflicted with innate disorders, natural epidemics like H5N1 or Ebola, and accidental injuries. To be equally important, thousands of people have been diagnosed with not only the century illness namely AIDS but also many kinds of cancers which have no or little effective remedies. By virtue of that, only with a significant amount of money spent on improving healthcare service; establishing hospitals and clinics; and discovering new cures can the government provide more medical access to patients and guarantee the well-being of human society. By way of conclusion, owing to the aforementioned arguments, I am of the opinion that government should allocate equal money to both cures and encourage a healthy lifestyle.
One school of
thought
is that
instead
of budgeting to cure illnesses, the
government


should focus financial resources on shaping a healthy lifestyle among citizens to

prevent
health issues. From my perspective, I object to this
idea
because
both treatment and prevention are
equally
important
.

On the one hand,
further
investment in simulate physical activities and eradicating

alcohol addiction is crucial to
reduce
the potential threat of serious ailments.
First


and foremost, the world has been witnessing an increasing number of cases of obesity and heart diseases which are allegedly under the influence of sedentary lifestyle.
Therefore
, it is necessary for authorities to construct more communal facilities such as public playgrounds and gardens with the aim to encourage
people
to attend outdoor activities.
Furthermore
, it goes without saying that the popular habit of drinking beer or wine, in Vietnam
for example
, is the culprit of a myriad of traffic accidents and cancers. The Vietnamese
government
,
hence
,
has to


grant extra
fundings
to education campaigns to
change
people
’s perception of drinking culture and tightening management of consumption of alcoholic liquor.

On the other hand
, an equal concentration of money is
essentially
required to build extra medical infrastructure and research for more advanced medication. To commence with, apart from diseases associated with the unhealthy style of living, human beings
are afflicted
with innate disorders, natural epidemics like H5N1 or Ebola, and accidental injuries. To be
equally
important
, thousands of
people
have
been diagnosed
with not
only
the century illness
namely
AIDS
but
also
many
kinds of cancers which have
no
or
little
effective remedies. By virtue of that,
only
with a significant amount of money spent on improving healthcare service; establishing

hospitals and clinics; and discovering new cures can the
government
provide more medical access to patients and guarantee the well-being of human society.

By way of conclusion, owing to the aforementioned arguments, I am of the opinion that
government
should allocate equal money to both cures and encourage a

healthy lifestyle.
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IELTS essay t is more important for the government to spend public funds on promoting a healthy lifestyle than treatment.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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