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Mass media is the way of manipulating people, and last 5 decades the percentage of violent media sharply rose.

Mass media is the way of manipulating people, and last 5 decades the percentage of violent media sharply rose. Moreover, young adults become more anger, consequently society believe that media is main cause of violence among young generations. Mass media influence our mind as much as we understand it and make analysis before doing decision, but also subconsciously youth obey everything they are told. I partially agree with this statement. First and last decision makes by ourselves. For instance, freedom choice to read, not to read or listen to news, or play this violent game for teenagers are available. Nevertheless, there are rules and restrictions for publicly available information and apps, such as age, censorship restrictions, which save young generation from harmful news. For example, Fortnight, considered to be youngest mental health damaging game, but there are limitations for faint of heart, children and preventions before game starts. Young adults have rights to make their own decision and there is no fault of violent media. However, cruelty news everywhere, in social networks, in television, in radio even in music we listen to. Sometimes, even if you do not likely to know savagery news, anyway you have to read it. For example, scientists show that bad news spread twice faster than good one, because social networks and media already accustomed for it. Nowadays, it is trend to be online all-day long among teens, so they absorb negative emotions from internet without noticing it. To sum up, despite government great efforts to save pupils and students, young generation involuntarily affected by violent media.
Mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is the way of manipulating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and last 5 decades the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sharply
rose.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults become more anger,
consequently
society believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is main cause of violence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations. Mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
influence our mind as much as we understand it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
analysis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
subconsciously
youth obey everything they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

First
and last decision
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
by ourselves.
For instance
, freedom choice to read, not to read or listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, or play this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
game for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are available.
Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and restrictions for
publicly
available information and apps, such as age, censorship restrictions, which save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation from harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
For example
, Fortnight, considered to be
A determiner is probably missing here: “the youngest”.
youngest
mental health damaging game,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are limitations for faint of heart, children and preventions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
adults have rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision and there is no fault of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
media.

However
, cruelty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
everywhere, in social networks, in television, in radio even in music we listen to.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, even if you do not likely to know savagery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, anyway you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
read it.
For example
, scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
spread twice faster than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
social networks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
already
Did you mean: “accustomed to”?
accustomed for
it. Nowadays, it is
Consider using either the past participle “trended” or the present participle “trending” here.
trend
to be online all-day long among teens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they absorb
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions from internet without noticing it.

To sum up, despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
great efforts to save pupils and students,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
involuntarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.

IELTS essay Mass media is the way of manipulating people, and last 5 decades the percentage of violent media sharply rose.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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