Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Supporting the renowned artists and athletes is critical for our society now

In the past, role models for the young people were the warriors; however, artists and athletes are heroes of our era. A huge group of people want to be similarly famous, powerful and influential. Supporting the renowned artists and athletes is critical for our society now. They bring us honor and satisfaction. As far as I am concerned, governments should spend more funds to support and praise artists and their works rather than athletes. There are two chief reasons for my inclination, which I will explore in the following passage. To begin with, arts are permanent, in comparison to, the sports awards. In addition, arts exhibit how rich a culture is. For example, the Russian athletes are highly famous in wrestling, and they always win numerous medals in the Olympic games. However, if you ask a person to tell you the one name from Russian, which he or she praises, they absolutely tell you the name of Tolstoy or other authors. As a result, supporting artists have more benefits to our society and others show more respect to our country. Finally, arts have more influence on people. Arts can be employed to teach individuals how to behave and persuade them to obey the rules and ethics. For instance, in my country it is impossible to criticize the government or politician without any adverse sub-sequences. Conversely, an appropriate method to criticize politicians is utilizing art. Artists use comedy to express their feelings and send their messages to society. Athletes only can fight for their communities in the sports fields, however, artists striving for progress in their society, and what's more, clarifying the social and political climate publicly. In conclusion, I strongly support more fund and financial support for artists rather than athletes for an array of essential reasons, among which their honor and gratification, and effect on guiding the people to ethical behaviors are more important.
In the past, role models for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were the warriors;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are heroes of our era. A huge group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be
similarly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, powerful and influential. Supporting the renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
is critical for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. They bring us honor and satisfaction. As far as I
am concerned
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should spend more funds to support and praise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and their works
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. There are two chief reasons for my inclination, which I will explore in the following passage.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are permanent,
in comparison
to, the sports awards.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
exhibit how rich a culture is.
For example
, the Russian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in wrestling, and they always win numerous medals in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
.
However
, if you ask a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you the one name from Russian, which he or she praises, they
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you the name of Tolstoy or other authors.
As a result
, supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have more benefits to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more respect to our country.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have more influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
can
be employed
to teach individuals how to behave and persuade them to obey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and ethics.
For instance
, in my country it is impossible to criticize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or politician without any adverse sub-sequences.
Conversely
, an appropriate method to criticize politicians is utilizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
comedy to express their feelings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their messages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can fight for their communities in the sports fields,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
striving for progress in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, and what's more, clarifying the social and political climate
publicly
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
support more fund and financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
for an array of essential reasons, among which their honor and gratification, and effect on guiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to ethical behaviors are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Supporting the renowned artists and athletes is critical for our society now

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts