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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. WyyJK
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. In any way can a professional player be paid for no reason. Whenever an athlete wins a competition, he not only achieves fame and career success but pride in his hometown and country as well. For example, Nguyen Thi Anh Vien is a Vietnam's pride, has brought a lot of medals and prizes for Vietnam. Besides, famous skilled players are paid a great deal of money by being traded between clubs and teams, not mention to the profit from commercials, advertisements and souvenirs widely sold in every sports store. However, the enormous differentiation in salary range between sport and other fields has caused an un satisfaction among people. Both professional sport players and others have to suffer a lot of challenges and hardworking to achieve their success. Unfortunately, skilled players almost earn many times as much money as others do. When the U23 Vietnam team defeats their opponents in the AFC Cup, they are given such a great deal of money from many supporters and even the Government. On the other hand, scientists and geniuses in other fields, such as education, though having brought quite a lot of awards for their country, didn't give much honor and recognition than they should have been.
Successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professionals can earn a great deal more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
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other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
fully
justified while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is unfair. In any way can a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
be paid
for no reason. Whenever an athlete wins a competition, he not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieves fame and career success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
pride in his hometown and country
as well
.
For example
, Nguyen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vien
is a Vietnam's pride, has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
medals and prizes for Vietnam.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are paid
a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
being traded
between clubs and teams, not mention to the profit from commercials, advertisements and souvenirs
widely
sold in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
store.

However
, the enormous differentiation in salary range between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields has caused an
Possible spelling mistake found.
un
satisfaction among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Both professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
challenges and hardworking to achieve their success. Unfortunately, skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
almost earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as others do. When the U23 Vietnam team defeats their opponents in the AFC Cup, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
such a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
supporters and even the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, scientists and geniuses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields, such as education, though having brought quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
awards for their country, didn't give much honor and recognition than they should have been.

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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