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Students who Attend universities far from the hometown have to live on the university campus while those who are studying in their own city can live with their families. what are the advantages and disadvantages of each group ?

Students who Attend universities far from the hometown have to live on the university campus while those who are studying in their own city can live with their families. what are the advantages and disadvantages of each group? 3MjNn
Students who Attend universities far from the hometown have to live on the university campus while those who are studying in their own city can live with their families. There are many benefits and drawbacks for both of these groups. It is Obvious that the students who live with their parents during University years become dependent on their family which will prevent them from developing a firm and independent character. Moreover, those who live in parental house find it rather difficult to focus on their studies due to many house chores and errands they need to run. However, students who stay with their families feel more comfortable at home and do not experience harsh living conditions. In addition to that living beside family is motivating for young people. The most significant drawback of living far from hometown is that students feel homesick frequently which will cause emotional problems. Furthermore, those who live in dormitories do not enjoy the luxury of homemade meals, instead they need to use the low quality food of the university. Despite unpleasant living conditions away from home, these students become independent and are prepared for their future life. They also communicate more with other students which able them to form Close friendships. Another Advantage of living on campus is that they can concentrate on their studies without any distraction. In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages whether students live with their family or far away from home.
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Students
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who
Attend
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universities
far from the hometown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
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live
on the
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university
campus while those
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who
are studying in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
city can
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live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and drawbacks for both of these groups.

It is Obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their parents during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
years become dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from developing a firm and independent character.
Moreover
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
find it
rather
difficult to focus on their studies due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores and errands they need to run.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
feel more comfortable at home and do not experience harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions.
In addition
to that
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living
beside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is motivating for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The most significant drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
far from hometown is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel homesick
frequently
which will cause emotional problems.
Furthermore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in dormitories do not enjoy the luxury of homemade meals,
instead
they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the low quality food of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Despite unpleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions away from home, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
become independent and
are prepared
for their future life. They
also
communicate more with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which able them to form Close friendships. Another Advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on campus is that they can concentrate on their studies without any distraction.

In conclusion
, there are both advantages and disadvantages whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or far away from home.

IELTS essay Students who Attend universities far from the hometown have to live on the university campus while those who are studying in their own city can live with their families. what are the advantages and disadvantages of each group?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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