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Students Studying abroad easily

Students Studying abroad easily m3bLr
It is often argued that pupils are able to easily study abroad is more advantageous even if there are a few cons for it. I completely agree with this opinion and think that pupils should prefer the foreign institutions which represents better quality, thus we will have multi-cultural experienced people in the future. Firstly, I believe that qualified alumni from abroad institutions contribute their origin country’s improvements with visionary view, international experience which is great opportunity. After the graduation, the pupils would be multi-cultural, qualified person and have networks with foreign companies by doing internships or working experiences that could be beneficial for local industry and economy. When they return their home, they can rise fresh graduates as a mentor and aid to improve local systems to be better those leads to a general development for everybody. That’s why, countries might be level up by their temporary immigrates’ contributions. Secondly, there are some concerns on it, advanced states such as USA, European Countries, China, Russia know persuade talented higher-education pupils to stay and work in their companies, can act as head-hunter due to lack of qualified employee. It leads to dramatically lost talented local people. For example, according to research, when globalization comes our life, it shows the number of young people who get their master's education abroad and be permanent there has increased and developing countries are badly affected as economical and productional. Therefore, it contains critical risk that can cause fearful future for third countries. To conclude, I strongly believe that having more opportunity for study abroad’s pros outrace the cons, reason of that is eventually some of individuals come back their home and work for the progress of their nations.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
are able to
easily
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is more advantageous even if there are a few cons for it. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
should prefer the foreign institutions which represents better quality,
thus
we will have multi-cultural experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the future.

Firstly
, I believe that qualified alumni from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
institutions contribute their origin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
improvements with visionary view, international experience which is great opportunity. After the graduation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
would be multi-cultural, qualified person and have networks with foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
by doing internships or working experiences that could be beneficial for local industry and economy. When they return their home, they can rise fresh graduates as a mentor and aid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
local systems to be better those leads to a general development for everybody. That’s why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
might be level up by their temporary immigrates’ contributions.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
concerns on it, advanced states such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the USA".
as USA
, European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
, China, Russia know persuade talented higher-education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
to stay and work in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, can act as head-hunter due to lack of qualified employee. It leads to
dramatically
lost talented local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, according to research, when globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
our life, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the number of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their master's education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
and be permanent there has increased and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
badly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as economical and
Possible spelling mistake found.
productional
.
Therefore
, it contains critical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
that can cause fearful future for third countries.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that having more opportunity for study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad’s
pros outrace the cons, reason of
that is
eventually
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the individuals") or simply say "some individuals".
some of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back their home and work for the progress of their nations.
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IELTS essay Students Studying abroad easily

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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