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some people say that we should leave the Acre tribe alone to continue their contented lifestyles?

some people say that we should leave the Acre tribe alone to continue their contented lifestyles? KlGyR
The discovery of uncontacted tribes has aroused the curiosity of many people. At the same time, a debate also broke out over whether these tribes should be left alone or not. In my opinion, we should leave these tribes secluded to live in their own way. To begin with, the access of outsiders almost exclusively brings disaster to the tribesmen. Uncontacted tribes do not possess immunity to viruses and diseases that we unintentionally carry since they have lived in seclusion for nearly their entire lives. There have been countless instances in history where tribe populations were drastically diminished because they couldn't handle the diseases carried with them by outsiders. Additionally, indigenous peoples may be threatened by loggers. Instinctively, when the illegal lumberjacks infiltrate the tribe's territory, the tribesmen will protect the place where they live. However, they will quickly be shot dead by the loggers because they are not equipped with modern weapons like the wood thieves. In conclusion, everyone should respect the privacy of the tribes. We should not try to force them to contact the modern world when that would threaten their life and health.
The discovery of
Possible spelling mistake found.
uncontacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
has aroused the curiosity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. At the same time, a debate
also
broke out over whether these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone or not. In my opinion, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
secluded to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the access of outsiders almost exclusively brings disaster to the tribesmen.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uncontacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
do not possess immunity to viruses and diseases that we
unintentionally
carry since they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in seclusion for
nearly
their entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. There have been countless instances in history where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribe
populations were
drastically
diminished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they couldn't handle the diseases carried with them by outsiders.

Additionally
, indigenous peoples may
be threatened
by loggers. Instinctively, when the illegal lumberjacks infiltrate the tribe's territory, the tribesmen will protect the place where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
However
, they will
quickly
be shot
dead by the loggers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not equipped with modern weapons like the wood thieves.

In conclusion
, everyone should respect the privacy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tribes
. We should not try to force them to contact the modern world when that would threaten their life and health.
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IELTS essay some people say that we should leave the Acre tribe alone to continue their contented lifestyles?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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