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Steve Jobs’ speech at Stanford University Commencement Ceremony essay for ielts exam

Steve Jobs’ speech at Stanford University Commencement Ceremony essay for ielts exam KGPV6
This essay is about the video of Steve Jobs’ speech at Stanford University Commencement Ceremony, has made me think about the life. Steve jobs talked about the keys of life that should be followed by every human who wants to be succesful. First of all, Steve Jobs maintained that we can only connect the dots by looking backwards not looking forwards. think that he is right because if we want to be succesful in our lives, we have to take lesson from mistakes that we did in the past. For example, he dropped out the school and started to take calligraphy. Later, he realized that it was one of the best decisions he was made because if he hadn’t done that, he wouldn’t have created his own fonts for MAC. Secondly, Steve Jobs advised that keep looking don’t settle and he said that we can only get the fine on what we loved. I strongly agree with his ideas because if we gave up easily, we wouldn’t make new things. Moreover, Steve jobs fired his own company that he created but he was stil in love and he created Pixar which is the best animation studio. To conclude, if Steve Jobs lived, he would contribute the tech as he did in his short life.
This essay is about the video of Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs’
speech at Stanford University Commencement Ceremony, has made me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the life. Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
talked about the keys of life that should
be followed


by every human who wants to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesful
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
maintained that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only


connect the dots by looking backwards not looking forwards.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
think
that he is right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we want

to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesful
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take lesson from mistakes that we did in the past. For

example, he dropped out the school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to take calligraphy. Later, he realized that it was one

of the best decisions he
was made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if he hadn’t done that, he wouldn’t have created his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own


fonts for MAC.
Secondly
, Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
advised that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
looking don’t
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
settle and
he said that we can

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the fine on what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we gave up
easily
, we

wouldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new things.
Moreover
, Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
fired his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that he created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he was

Possible spelling mistake found.
stil
in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
love and
he created Pixar which is the best animation studio.
To conclude
, if Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
,

he would contribute the tech as he did in his short life.
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IELTS essay Steve Jobs’ speech at Stanford University Commencement Ceremony essay for ielts exam

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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