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Statistics show that violent cases among the younger generation are constantly growing.

Statistics show that violent cases among the younger generation are constantly growing. KYX70
Statistics show that violent cases among the younger generation are constantly growing. In my opinion, the main reason for this problem is lack of social and emotional knowledge youngsters need from family and school. First of all, aggressive behaviour may be caused by excessive use of gadgets because modern teenagers were born digital natives. Also, their parents provide gadgets as toys and children, as a rule, have problems distinguishing between real and virtual life. In other words, they do not realize why it is possible to abuse or even kill a rival playing a computer game but such an act is considered to be illegal or criminal in reality. That is why parents should be responsible for teaching their children how to socialize with siblings and peers face-to-face rather than encourage creation of new accounts in popular shooters such as “Mortal Combat” or “The World of Tanks”. Another major reason which contributes to such fierce behaviour is school and teachers in particular, who do not prevent bullying. Moreover, allowing adolescents to be involved in rebellious acts, teachers blame family for inappropriate upbringing. Interestingly, in case of bullying parents are highly likely to be fined or punished whereas teachers are not accountable for that. To sum up, I believe that the main factor of juvenile delinquency is negligence by parents and teachers, so the number of mobbings, robberies, arson, vandalism and other acts of violence continues to increase. It happens because of parents who do not give enough attention and explanation how to interact in real life as well as teachers who do not take preventative measures and do not illustrate representative situations of respectable behaviour.
Statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that violent cases among the younger generation are
constantly
growing. In my opinion, the main reason for this problem is lack of social and emotional knowledge youngsters need from family and school.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
may
be caused
by excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
were born
digital natives.
Also
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provide gadgets as toys and children, as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, have problems distinguishing between real and virtual life.
In other words
, they do not realize why it is possible to abuse or even kill a rival playing a computer game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
such an act
is considered
to be illegal or criminal in reality.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be responsible for teaching their children how to socialize with siblings and peers face-to-face
rather
than encourage creation of new accounts in popular shooters such as “Mortal Combat” or “The World of Tanks”.

Another major reason which contributes to such fierce
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in particular
, who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
bullying.
Moreover
, allowing adolescents to
be involved
in rebellious acts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
blame family for inappropriate upbringing.
Interestingly
, in case of bullying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
highly
likely to
be fined
or punished whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are not accountable for that.

To sum up, I believe that the main factor of juvenile delinquency is negligence by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mobbings
, robberies, arson, vandalism and other acts of violence continues to increase. It happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who do not give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention and explanation how to interact in real life
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who do not take preventative measures and do not illustrate representative situations of respectable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

IELTS essay Statistics show that violent cases among the younger generation are constantly growing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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