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My personal culture tell us about that

My personal culture tell us about that 52XmV
My name is Sakshi Sehgal and I belong to India which is one of the most religiously and ethnically diverse nation in the world. I belong to a Hindu family in which from childhood only, I see my parents pray to God in the morning and before eating food. So, by seeing them I learned from them that I should pray in the morning and do chanting of mantras. My parents taught me that we should thank God for everything what he gives. They also taught me to be humble, gentle and polite with others. They said we should respect our elders and never be loud with them whatever may be the circumtances. In my culture whenever we meet anyone I greet them with ‘Namaste’. I am very friendly, honest and always ready to help others. My parents taught me great values, they always say that we should live a happy life and always be satisfied with what we have, we should be honest in our work and with others. Even if I talk about mythological stories like ‘Ramayan’ and ‘Mahabharat’, it always teach us that no matter how powerful evil is, it will always be defeated by good. I am Hindu but actually a Punjabi so I love bhangra which is our folk dance. So, whenever I get free time I use to dance. In addition, besides Hindi language, I speak Punjabi. But basically I live in Delhi which is the capital of India, So I wear every kind of dresses from suits and sarees to pants and jeans. So, this is all about my culture and my parents always taught me that we should respect other’s culture as well.
My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sakshi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sehgal
and I belong to India which is one of the most
religiously
and
ethnically
diverse nation in the world. I belong to a Hindu family in which from childhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pray to God in the morning and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
eating food.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, by seeing them I learned from them that I should pray in the morning and
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go chanting".
do chanting
of mantras. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
taught me that we should thank God for everything what he gives. They
also
taught me to be humble, gentle and polite with others. They said we should respect our elders and never be loud with them whatever may be the
Possible spelling mistake found.
circumtances
. In my culture whenever we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
anyone I greet them with ‘Namaste’. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
friendly, honest and always ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
taught me great values, they always say that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life and always
be satisfied
with what we have, we should be honest in our work and with others. Even if I talk about mythological stories like ‘
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ramayan
’ and ‘
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mahabharat
’, it always
Did you mean "teaches"?
teach
us that no matter how powerful evil is, it will always
be defeated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. I am Hindu
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
actually a Punjabi
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
Possible spelling mistake found.
bhangra
which is our folk dance.
“So , whenever” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, whenever
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
free time I
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
dance.
In addition
,
besides
Hindi language, I speak Punjabi.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
basically
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Delhi which is the capital of India,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I wear every kind of dresses from suits and sarees to pants and jeans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this is all about my culture and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always taught me that we should respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
culture
as well
.

IELTS essay My personal culture tell us about that

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
281 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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