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Statistics show that people are living longer now. There are several reason for this

Statistics show that people are living longer now. There are several reason for this Lbabr
Statistics show that people are living longer now. There are several reason for this, i will point out a few of them below. First of all, a few hundred years ago mankind of suffered from many different kinds of diseases which are very well cured now. The achievement of contemporary medicine allow people to live with artificial arms, hands, legs and even hearts. Recently I read few articles in the magazines about a man with an implanted artificial heart and a woman who had an implanted chipset in her head to make her happier. Additionally, many viruses are defeated nowadays with the modern vaccines and many pills help us to relief pain. Second of all, the conditions of live are greatly improved. A man chiefly does not have to sleep on the wet and cold ground, defence himself from predators in the wild forests and fight for hid life. The wide extension of fast food stands, buffets and restaurants gives people the opportunity to have full and nutritions meal whenever they need to. Many entertaining canters offers a wild variety of services where you can leave your troubles and just relax. All of these things mentioned above allow people to maintain healthy life, spend more time with his family and friends and mane their life longer and happier.
Statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun reason seems to be countable; consider using: "several reasons".
several reason
for this,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will point out a few of them below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a few hundred years ago mankind of suffered from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of diseases which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well cured
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. The achievement of contemporary medicine
Did you mean "allows"?
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with artificial arms, hands, legs and even hearts. Recently I read few articles in the magazines about a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
with an implanted artificial heart and a woman who had an implanted chipset in her head to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
her happier.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
viruses
are defeated
nowadays with the modern vaccines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to relief pain.

Second of all, the conditions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
are
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
chiefly
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sleep on the wet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
ground,
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
himself from predators in the wild forests and fight for hid life. The wide extension of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food stands, buffets and restaurants gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the opportunity to have full and
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutritions
meal whenever they need to.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
entertaining canters
You should probably use "offer".
offers
a wild variety of services where you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
your troubles and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
relax.

All of these things mentioned above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to maintain healthy life, spend more time with his family and friends and mane their life longer and happier.
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IELTS essay Statistics show that people are living longer now. There are several reason for this

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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