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sports industry money earning

sports industry money earning QRlQy
Sports industry is overwhelming any other industry in these past years. Whom of us still doesn't follow up with any kind of sports news? Sports professionals earn a lot of money, and to some extent more than a Doctor, or a professor, many believe that this is their right, however others say the opposite. Sport professionals may spend ten to 20 years training, and preparing for a certain competition, for instance body builders may spend more than 10 years training to reach a certain body volume, which is a must to compete in a competition, aside of training, they must follow a specific diet, where they may be restricted from alcohol, fats, and many other enjoyable kinds of food. Same goes for football players, for example, Ronaldo spends a lot of time training each day, maintaining this typical body shape for the whole year, which in turn requires a high level of consistency, ambition, and hard work. Moreover Messi for example, the most talented player, it requires decades to have a player as talented as he is. Same goes for any kind of other sport professionals. Many people demand that its isn't fair, for a sport professional to earn more than a Doctor for example. A doctor who spends approximately 10 years of studying, memorizing, aside from this he works on improving people's quality of life, saving peoples life. On the same hand, this will lead to a decrease in the interests in education, since sports will bring more salary. Sports has the site of view, although many claims that sports professionals, are over priced, many others believed that its totally their rate. I aver that sports professional aren't overpriced however, other professionals are underrated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
industry is overwhelming any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
industry in these past years. Whom of us
still
doesn't follow up with any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
news?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money, and to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent more than a Doctor, or a professor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that this is their right,
however
others say the opposite.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
ten to 20 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
, and preparing for a certain competition,
for instance
body builders may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more than 10 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
to reach a certain body volume, which is a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
compete in a competition, aside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow a specific diet, where they may
be restricted
from alcohol, fats, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
enjoyable kinds of food. Same goes for football players,
for example
, Ronaldo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
each day, maintaining this typical body shape for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, which in turn requires a high level of consistency, ambition, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
Messi
for example
, the most talented player, it requires decades to have a player as talented as he is. Same goes for any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
professionals.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
demand that its isn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
, for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
to earn more than a Doctor
for example
. A doctor who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
approximately 10 years of studying, memorizing, aside from this he works on improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's quality of life, saving peoples life. On the same hand, this will lead to a decrease in the interests in education, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will bring more salary.

Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "sport has".
Sports has
the site of view, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, are over priced,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others believed that its
totally
their rate. I aver that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
aren't overpriced
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are underrated
.
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IELTS essay sports industry money earning

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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