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Sports events contribute peace to world

Sports events contribute peace to world q68ED
In this contemporary era, the proliferation of sports event drastically increasing in every corner of the globe. Minority of people who believe that organising significant number of international sport events may promote world peace. I firmly opine that international events make a good relationship among different countries and i agree with the notion that events promoting would peace. To commence with, why the overseas sports events promoting world peace. I believe that, if this king of events happened there are different players come from different nations and they get chance to interact with each other which will be build good relation between two different person from different nation. Also, they are able to get more knowledge and learn about lifestyle from other countries. For instance, many people are get involved in such events like olympic and worldcup and they are travel towards to overseas countries which help to understand tradition and cultural of country and they build a very good relation with each other. Moreover, there are so many people who watch this type of events on television or in internet so there is some good skilled players come from poor nations and they show their positive impart ion to other people. In addition, because of this players unknown nations bring some amount of recognition and people also get more information about this nations. For example, it is difficult to know about west indies and Nepal, however, they are well known countries just because of their cricket teams. By this type of events it is the only activity that delivers a clear message pf peace and good relation. In conclusion, sports is a positive activity which brings peace and joy to the world by bringing people and globe leaders together.
In this contemporary era, the proliferation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
drastically
increasing in every corner of the globe. Minority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
significant number of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
may promote world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
. I
firmly
opine that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationship among
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different
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countries
and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
promoting would peace.

To commence with, why the overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
promoting world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
. I believe that, if this king of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
happened there are
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different
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nations and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to interact with each other which will be build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relation between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Also
, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge and learn about lifestyle from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympic
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
worldcup and
they are travel towards to overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to understand tradition and cultural of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they build a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relation with each other.

Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
on television or in internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
skilled players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from poor
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nations and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impart ion to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
players unknown
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nations
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of recognition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more information about
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For example
, it is difficult to know about west indies and Nepal,
however
, they are well known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their cricket teams. By this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
activity that delivers a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
message pf
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relation.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
activity which brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
and joy to the world by bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and globe leaders together.
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IELTS essay Sports events contribute peace to world

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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