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Sports do not benefit school children. Do you agree?

Sports do not benefit school children. Do you agree? kYxNd
Some people think that sports are not important for children because childhood is playtime. It also results in children not having a healthy body for their future. In my opinion, I disagree about the topic due to I firmly believe that sports can make children have a healthy body, and also can build cooperation and leadership with their friends. To begin with, the children must be doing sport to make their body healthy. As we know childhood the body children have weak durability and even easily contracting diseases. Therefore, their parents or teacher have to make them do exercises in daily life. For instance, children do jogging or go swimming every week for practice their exercise habits since childhood. Thus, the children must routinely do sports for their bodies. Another point, in doing sports we be trained to build cooperation and sportsmanship with a friend. Furthermore, soft skills are most important for our future such as cooperation, leadership, suitability, and the other. Hence, we should train all those soft skills since childhood. However, many children do not know the importance of cooperation and leadership in the future. To conclude, it is certainly there are many benefits in doing sports for school children due to can make a healthy body and also have much soft skill such as cooperation and leadership. These two useful points can make school children more healthy and useful for their future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
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children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
childhood is playtime. It
also
results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
for their future. In my opinion, I disagree about the topic due to I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
, and
also
can build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
with their friends.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. As we know childhood the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have weak durability and even
easily
contracting diseases.
Therefore
, their parents or teacher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them do exercises in daily life.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go jogging".
do jogging
or go swimming every week for practice their exercise habits since childhood.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
routinely
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for their bodies.

Another point, in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
we
be trained
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
and sportsmanship with a friend.
Furthermore
, soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for our future such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
, suitability, and the other.
Hence
, we should train all those soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
since childhood.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not know the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
in the future.

To conclude
, it is
certainly
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and
also
have much soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
. These two useful points can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and useful for their future.
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IELTS essay Sports do not benefit school children. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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