Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

sponsoring an overseas sports training trip or hiring one more PE teacher.

Our school is committed to increasing students sports development. Recently, school received a sum of donation and want to utilize them sponsoring an overseas sports training trip or hiring one more PE teacher. After taking a myriad of factors into consideration, I reckon that those money should be spent on the former one since it brings lots of benefit to students. First of all, overseas sports training trip can enhance students’ interest to sports. Admittedly, going to a trip is an excited thing for young people because they are curious to everything in the world. After landing to another country, they may consider that everything in the surrounding is fresh and would like to explore it. Besides, in the whole process, students will live and stay with their friends, which will be a unprecedented as well as a meaningful experience for them. All of these may make people think that playing sports is an interest thing. As a result, after going back to school, they may more enjoy and put more enthusiastic to do that. Furthermore, overseas sports training trip can establish a deeper understanding to sports in students’ mind. Unlike just staying school and listening to teachers, school can bring them to origin place of a special sport. For instance, basketball is start at America and in there, students can learn real history and background of sports via several exhibitions or the mouth of local people. Through feeling the knowledge by their own sense like listening, seeing, the deeper impression of sports is made. However, this atmosphere is not exited in school. The last but not least, students can learn more new skills or truths form the sport training trip. School can invite local teenagers to compete with our students. This can not only increase the communication between two countries, but also lets students find as well as explore others special method or strategy and then remember it and use in the next time. In addition, our students can also learn the truth that the friendship is the most crucial thing in competition no matter compete with which country. All in all, the donation is precious and should use in the most effective way for promoting the sports development of students. In my opinion, overseas sports training trip is a better choice, which can increasing interest, understanding and skills of students. I sincerely hope you choose this plan.
Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is committed
to increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
development. Recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
received a sum of donation and want to utilize them sponsoring an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
or hiring one more PE teacher. After taking a myriad of factors into consideration, I reckon that
‘Those’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘money’. Did you mean “this money” or “those moneys”, “those monies”?
those money
should
be spent
on the former one since it brings lots of benefit to students.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
can enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
interest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Admittedly
, going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
is an excited thing for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are curious to everything in the world. After landing to another country, they may consider that everything in the surrounding is fresh and would like to explore it.
Besides
, in the whole process,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and stay with their friends, which will be
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
unprecedented
as well
as a meaningful experience for them. All of these may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is an interest thing.
As a result
, after going back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they may more enjoy and put more enthusiastic to do that.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
can establish a deeper understanding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
mind. Unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and listening to teachers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can bring them to origin place of a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
For instance
, basketball is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at America and in there,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn real history and background of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
via several exhibitions or the mouth of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Through feeling the knowledge by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sense like listening, seeing, the deeper impression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is made
.
However
, this atmosphere is not
Did you mean “excited” (=enthusiastic) instead of ‘exited’ (=gone away)?
exited
in school.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn more new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or truths form the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
can invite local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to compete with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase the communication between two countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find
as well
as explore others special method or strategy and then remember it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the
next
time.
In addition
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
also
learn the truth that the friendship is the most crucial thing in competition no matter compete with which country.

All in all, the donation is precious and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the most effective way for promoting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
is a better choice, which can increasing interest, understanding and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I
sincerely
hope you choose this plan.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay sponsoring an overseas sports training trip or hiring one more PE teacher.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
399 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts