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Spending money on art is not worth it. Government should spend money on other services

Spending money on art is not worth it. Government should spend money on other services 2l59o
Art is the heritage of the country and several people believe that spending money on art is not worth it. However, the debate is going on that government should spend his funds on cinema and music or on civil services. In my opinion, i would disagree with the statement mentioned above, enterprising money on art is not useful. The first reason, art is an externalization of an artist. which is a big source of income for the government. In this fast-paced world people are hustling with different things, in their surrounding such as external pressure from office work, home-based duties, etc. Whereas, music and cinemas has proved to be a source of entertainment and income. For example, study was conducted in Oxford University in the year 2003 majority of Lebanon's guest visited this country to watch music concert and appear in films launching. Which benefited government. Another reason, several people with an inborn natural talents need platform to show their talents. And compete with numerous developed countries. Art can offer a positive contribution to the development of quality of life. For example recently there are competition, related to the singing world choir competition Asian idol two years ago Indonesian delegate taking part with an opponent of 57 countries at Belgium and got gold medals for several categories. To conclude, spending funds on art such as music and cinema proved to be of major source of income which can futher utilised on civil services such as hospital and education etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is the heritage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not worth it.
However
, the debate is going on that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend his funds on cinema and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or on civil services. In my opinion,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would disagree with the statement mentioned above, enterprising money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is not useful.

The
first
reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an externalization of an artist.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
source of income for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are hustling with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things, in their surrounding such as external pressure from office work, home-based duties, etc. Whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and cinemas has proved to be a source of entertainment and income.
For example
, study
was conducted
in Oxford University in the year 2003 majority of Lebanon's guest visited this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concert and appear in films launching. Which benefited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Another reason, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with an inborn natural
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "talent"?
talents
need platform to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talents. And compete with numerous developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
can offer a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribution to the development of quality of life.
For example
recently there are competition, related to the singing world choir competition Asian idol two years ago Indonesian delegate taking part with an opponent of 57
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
at Belgium and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
gold medals for several categories.

To conclude
, spending funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and cinema proved to be of major source of income which can
Possible spelling mistake found.
futher
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
on civil services such as hospital and education etc.
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IELTS essay Spending money on art is not worth it. Government should spend money on other services

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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