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somepeople agrue that entertainment programs replace into edcuate aim. do what extand you agree and disagree

somepeople agrue that entertainment programs replace into edcuate aim. do what extand you agree and disagree K0Dgw
it is often argued that telecast programs on social problems are the best way to educate society. So, most of the famous entertainment serials should give the knowledge about it. While I accept that this may suit many people, I think that entertainment shows provide many benefits in people’s life. First of all, people feel joy and relaxation in their busy lifestyle. In addition, nowadays, most people are engaging to do work for their better lifestyle. For achieving their goals, a lot of people are doing work at night and day. Therefore, they have lots of burden on their mind due to the pressure of job’s work. In this case, entertainment shows provide much joy and worry-free mind for the working people. For example, the renowned show in India “ The Kapil Sharma comedy show” to makes people’s life of worry-free and this shows is being watched by various people with their families. That’s why I think that it is the best method to cast the entertainment serials on television for an individual's life. Secondly, negativity could not be spread by the entertainment programs. In other words, there are lots of issues being telecasted by different channels. Sometimes people feel bore watching these programs. However, if educated issues show replace into entertainment programs, then people’s mind can catch the negative thoughts because their mind is stuck into one place. Sometimes it can people make more aggressive because people’s minds cannot able to get refreshment. To conclude, I believe that entertainment shows are the best option for taking refreshment and joy in the people’s busy life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
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often
argued that telecast
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programs
on social problems are the best way to educate society.
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So
, most of the
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famous
entertainment serials should give the knowledge about it. While I accept that this may suit
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many
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people
, I
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think
that entertainment
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shows
provide
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many
benefits in
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people’s
life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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people
feel joy and relaxation in their busy lifestyle.
In addition
, nowadays, most
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people
are engaging to do work for their better lifestyle. For achieving their goals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing work at night and day.
Therefore
, they have lots of burden on their
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mind
due to the pressure of job’s work.
In this case
, entertainment
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shows
provide much joy and worry-free
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mind
for the working
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people
.
For example
, the renowned
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show
in India
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kapil
Sharma comedy
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show”
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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people’s
life of worry-free and this
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shows
is being
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watched
by various
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people
with their families. That’s why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the best method to cast the entertainment serials on television for an individual's life.

Secondly
, negativity could not
be spread
by the entertainment
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programs
.
In other words
, there are lots of issues being
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
channels.
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Sometimes
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people
feel bore watching these
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programs
.
However
, if educated issues
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show
replace into entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, then
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people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
can catch the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts
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because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
is stuck
into one place.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it can
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more aggressive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
Did you mean "cannot be able"?
cannot able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
refreshment.

To conclude
, I believe that entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are the best option for taking refreshment and joy in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
busy life.

IELTS essay somepeople agrue that entertainment programs replace into edcuate aim. do what extand you agree and disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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