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Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns. Do more advantages or disadvantages?

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns. Do more advantages or disadvantages? Kw9m3
In today's world, a certain part of society prefers urban areas to the countryside. There are a lot of discussions on the topic of whether this tendency has more merits or demerits. This essay will fully explain my opinion and give evidence for the arguments which will be covered below. To begin with, it is very important to mention that cities have a lot of air pollution that, in turn, may impact humans' health. This is because of the fact that not only are a lot of factories and enterprises located in towns and they produce carbon dioxide emissions but also due to a high level of traffic air becomes dirty rapidly. Therefore, when people inhale this dirt it may influence their lungs and lead to a variety of diseases. For instance, recent research has shown that those who live in industrial areas have a 20% higher risk to be affected by pneumonia. Moreover, another visible disadvantage of life in urban areas is that there is a rapid style of existence and it may be very energy-consuming. The main reason for this is that not only is everyone in a city always in a hurry but also the bustling society does not give an opportunity to stay calm and relaxed. As a result, citizens might become very stressful and the level of their aggressiveness will increase considerably. For example, one study has illustrated that more than 40% of residents of New York have a significant level of anxiety during the day. Eventually, to conclude, in my opinion, the drawbacks of urban areas far outweigh their benefits. This is due to the fact that, firstly, air pollution might affect our lungs and, secondly, such kind of a lifestyle takes a lot of energy and may lead to increased anxiety.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, a certain part of society prefers urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to the countryside. There are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of discussions on the topic of whether this tendency has more merits or demerits. This essay will
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my opinion and give evidence for the arguments which will
be covered
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to mention that cities have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of air pollution that, in turn, may impact humans' health. This is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of factories and enterprises located in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
towns and
they produce carbon dioxide emissions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
due to a high level of traffic air becomes dirty
rapidly
.
Therefore
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
inhale this dirt it may influence their lungs and lead to a variety of diseases.
For instance
, recent research has shown that those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
have a 20% higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by pneumonia.

Moreover
, another visible disadvantage of life in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is that there is a rapid style of existence and it may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
energy-consuming. The main reason for this is that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is everyone in a city always in a hurry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the bustling society does not give an opportunity to stay calm and relaxed.
As a result
, citizens might become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stressful and the level of their aggressiveness will increase
considerably
.
For example
, one study has illustrated that more than 40% of residents of New York have a significant level of anxiety during the day.

Eventually
,
to conclude
, in my opinion, the drawbacks of urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
far outweigh their benefits.
This is due to the fact that
,
firstly
, air pollution might affect our lungs and,
secondly
, such
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
lifestyle takes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of energy and may lead to increased anxiety.
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IELTS essay Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns. Do more advantages or disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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