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Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment rather they would prefer paying liabilities instead. How far fo you agree?

Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment rather they would prefer paying liabilities instead. How far fo you agree? MMrrp
Security of workers should be the ultimate aim of any organization. Today in a globalised society as working men and women spend almost half of their time at work it becomes important for an employer to pay attention to worker security. Most of the employers ensure the security of workers by multiple checks and other security-related activities, yet some workspaces tend to loosen up these things and are ready to pay off liabilities as and when they occur. In this essay will discuss the issue and would raise up my opinion. On Looking into the initial part of the question workspaces are careless in providing safety measures to their workers who use deadly materials, Yes a few mid-level and some low-level organisations do not care about the workers who work with deadly things as that would cost them more than to pay the liabilities. Although some workspace has some safety equipment in it, by and large, quite a number of organisations tend to ignore safety measures because of a large number of people employed. Discussing the second part workspace prefer paying liabilities instead. Not all workspace prefer paying liabilities as it is not the money but their reputation at stake. Nowadays as organisations are valued on their reputation it becomes ever so important for organisations to give their workers all sorts of safety equipment. Some third-party or some unnamed organisations may prefer paying liabilities but they are very few in numbers and Governments take steps to install rules for these organisations to follow. Hence on a personal note, I feel that It is mandatory or It has become mandatory for an employer to ensure their employee’s safety rather than to wait for some serious consequence to happen.
Security of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should be the ultimate aim of any organization.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
society as working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women spend almost half of their time at work it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for an employer to pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
security. Most of the employers ensure the security of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
by multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
and other security-related activities,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workspaces
tend to loosen up these things and are ready to pay off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
liabilities
as and when they occur. In this essay will discuss the issue and would raise up my opinion.

On Looking into the initial part of the question
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workspaces
are careless in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
deadly materials, Yes a few mid-level and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
low-level
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
do not care about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who work with deadly things as that would cost them more than to pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
liabilities
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workspace
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
equipment in it, by and large, quite a number of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
employed.

Discussing the second part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workspace
prefer paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
liabilities
instead
. Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workspace
prefer paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
liabilities
as it is not the money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their reputation at stake. Nowadays as
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
are valued
on their reputation it becomes ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
all sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
equipment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
third-party or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unnamed
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
may prefer paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
liabilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few in numbers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
take steps to install
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for these
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisations
to follow.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
on a personal note, I feel that It is mandatory or It has become mandatory for an employer to ensure their employee’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
rather
than to wait for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "to". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence to
happen.
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IELTS essay Some workplaces do not ensure the safety of workers who use dangerous equipment rather they would prefer paying liabilities instead. How far fo you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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