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Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development? GmAL
Currently due to the huge dominance of information technology some educational institutes have started to share their courses in various ways on the Internet, providing people with a more convenient way to learn. From my point of view, I think this is a positive trend, since this approach to learning gives people a lot of opportunities as well as having flexible schedules. However, there are some drawbacks of online learning which will be held in this essay. Prior to the advent of Information technology, the form of study used to be limited and tedious. Consequently, many students had a limited access to information beyond their university studies. However, nowadays the Internet gives us an instant access to numerous resources, which can enhance our study performance. Moreover, the widespread use of the Internet makes it handy for people to enroll in a course without considering time and distance. This trend has attracted thousands of professionals, housewives and elderly people to continue their education or take courses of their choices from the comfort of their home. In addition, Internet-based courses are easy to follow and someone can retake the same lesson over and over again, unlike the traditional classes. Many skill-developing online courses, for example, have assisted thousands of young people to pursue their career in technology and this has all been possible with Internet-based learning. The key drawback of studying online courses is that students would have less interaction with professors and classmates. As a result, students would hardly have the opportunity to enhance their soft skills such as communication and team work skills that are vitally important to their future career. Furthermore, studying online means that learners would have less mentoring and peer support, which may lead to a lack of motivation and procrastination. To conclude, technological advancement in education, especially online education is a great leap towards the world without illiteracy and unemployment. Hence, this is such a positive development though it lacks a teacher's motivation and direct supervision.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
due to the huge dominance of information technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational institutes have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in various ways on the Internet, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a more convenient way to learn. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend, since this approach to learning gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities
as well
as having flexible schedules.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning which will
be held
in this essay.

Prior to the advent of Information technology, the form of study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be limited
and tedious.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students had
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "limited access".
a limited access
to information beyond their university studies.
However
, nowadays the Internet gives us
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "instant access".
an instant access
to numerous resources, which can enhance our study performance.
Moreover
, the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it handy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enroll in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
without considering time and distance. This trend has attracted thousands of professionals, housewives and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to continue their education or take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
of their choices from the comfort of their home.

In addition
, Internet-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are easy to follow and someone can retake the same lesson over and over again, unlike the traditional classes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
-developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
for example
, have assisted thousands of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pursue their career in technology and this has all been possible with Internet-based learning.

The key drawback of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is that students would have less interaction with professors and classmates.
As a result
, students would hardly have the opportunity to enhance their soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as communication and team work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that are
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to their future career.
Furthermore
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
means that learners would have less mentoring and peer support, which may lead to a lack of motivation and procrastination.

To conclude
, technological advancement in education,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
education is a great leap towards the world without illiteracy and unemployment.
Hence
, this is such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development though it lacks a teacher's motivation and direct supervision.

IELTS essay Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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