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Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. nJjg
Many people believe that children nowadays spend too much time on playing videogames, they should transfer their attention to outdoor activities. I totally agree with this view and this essay will discuss the reasons in following paragraphs. First of all, outdoor activities have more obvious benefits on health. Compared to the pass that kids always look forward to playing with friends in the parks, children now have more indoor entertaining choices which give enough attractive to make them stay at home. It causes the lack of excises for modern children and results in many diseases such as fat and short sight. Second, outdoor activities can bring up the children’s social abilities. They would learn how to deal with the interpersonal relationship by getting long with their friends. Hence, doing outdoor activities benefit children on both physical and mental sides. However, as the improvement of technology, some games workers claim that their games can let children learn some knowledges like history or science while they are playing. In addition, some games can train the ability of communication easily through having a teamwork with friends or families. Furthermore, many game companies release fitness games to attract players who love exercising. In conclusion, although the video and computer games become more and more diverse, it still can not replace the outdoor activities. For children, going out and closing the nature is crucial for their growing
Many
people
believe that
children
nowadays spend too much time on playing
videogames
, they should transfer their attention to
outdoor
activities
. I
totally
agree
with this view and this essay will discuss the reasons in following paragraphs.

First of all
,
outdoor
activities
have more obvious benefits on health. Compared to the pass that kids always look forward to playing with friends in the parks,
children
now
have more indoor entertaining choices which give
enough
attractive to
make
them stay at home. It causes the lack of excises for modern
children
and results in
many
diseases such as
fat
and short sight. Second,
outdoor
activities
can bring up the
children’s
social abilities. They would learn how to deal with the interpersonal relationship by getting long with their friends.
Hence
, doing
outdoor
activities
benefit
children
on both physical and mental sides.

However
, as the improvement of technology,
some
games
workers claim that their
games
can
let
children
learn
some
knowledges
like history or science while they are playing.
In addition
,
some
games
can train the ability of communication
easily
through having a teamwork with friends or families.
Furthermore
,
many
game
companies
release fitness
games
to attract players who
love
exercising.

In conclusion
, although the video and computer
games
become more and more diverse, it
still
can not replace the
outdoor
activities
. For
children
, going out and closing the nature is crucial for their
growing
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IELTS essay Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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