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Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. nJjg

Many people believe that children nowadays spend too much time on playing videogames, they should transfer their attention to outdoor activities. I totally agree with this view and this essay will discuss the reasons in following paragraphs. First of all, outdoor activities have more obvious benefits on health. Compared to the pass that kids always look forward to playing with friends in the parks, children now have more indoor entertaining choices which give enough attractive to make them stay at home. It causes the lack of excises for modern children and results in many diseases such as fat and short sight. Second, outdoor activities can bring up the children’s social abilities. They would learn how to deal with the interpersonal relationship by getting long with their friends. Hence, doing outdoor activities benefit children on both physical and mental sides. However, as the improvement of technology, some games workers claim that their games can let children learn some knowledges like history or science while they are playing. In addition, some games can train the ability of communication easily through having a teamwork with friends or families. Furthermore, many game companies release fitness games to attract players who love exercising. In conclusion, although the video and computer games become more and more diverse, it still can not replace the outdoor activities. For children, going out and closing the nature is crucial for their growing

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 believe that You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinfanttoddleradolescentjuvenileyouthteenager
children
 nowadays spend too much time on playing Possible spelling mistake found.video games
videogames
, they should transfer their attention to You use this word too often, consider replacing it withrustic
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withactionlifeenterpriseexercisemovement
activities
. I totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquiesce
agree
 with this view and this essay will discuss the reasons in following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".First
First of all
, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withrustic
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withactionlifeenterpriseexercisemovement
activities
 have more obvious benefits on health. Compared to the pass that kids always look forward to playing with friends in the parks, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinfanttoddleradolescentjuvenileyouthteenager
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :nowadays
now
 have more indoor entertaining choices which give This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:abundance
enough
 attractive to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
 them stay at home. It causes the lack of excises for modern You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinfanttoddleradolescentjuvenileyouthteenager
children
 and results in This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
many
 diseases such as This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :chubby
fat
 and short sight. Second, You use this word too often, consider replacing it withrustic
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withactionlifeenterpriseexercisemovement
activities
 can bring up the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinfanttoddleradolescentjuvenileyouthteenager
children’s
 social abilities. They would learn how to deal with the interpersonal relationship by getting long with their friends. Hence
, doing You use this word too often, consider replacing it withrustic
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withactionlifeenterpriseexercisemovement
activities
 benefit You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinfanttoddleradolescentjuvenileyouthteenager
children
 on both physical and mental sides.

However
, as the improvement of technology, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 workers claim that their You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 can This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :authorize
let
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children
 learn This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
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knowledges
 like history or science while they are playing. In addition
, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 can train the ability of communication easily
 through having a teamwork with friends or families. Furthermore
, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
many
 game This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :enterprisescorporations
companies
 release fitness You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 to attract players who This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :admireadore
love
 exercising.

In conclusion
, although the video and computer You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 become more and more diverse, it still
 can not replace the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withrustic
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withactionlifeenterpriseexercisemovement
activities
. For You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinfanttoddleradolescentjuvenileyouthteenager
children
, going out and closing the nature is crucial for their Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraphgrowing.growing!growing?growing:growing,growing;
growing