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some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. LJ1R
There are so many people retiring around the globe every day needing for financial support. While some people argue that authorities should support them, others think they have to take care of themselves. A number of people cite that the government must support the retired people financially. Primarily, the fact that most of the retireds are elderly is entirely inevitable. There is no question that they can not start a new business again from the beginnig. Although, the need help for the expenses. If they have the government backing, they will feel relieved from the point of income. Furthermore, the retireds work for the government many years and now it is time for payback. They made an effort to do their jobs for all the past years and today they need to be relax not worring about the money. Notwithstanding all the above-mentioned points, there are some people standing against that view. They assume retired people should take care of themselves. To begin with, it seems the money can spend on better causes. To give an example, it can help government to improve the infrastractures or building schools or other educational institutes. In addition, in this case government should give more tax from younger people to help the aged ones and it is not fair to young adults working hard for others who shoul have thaugh about saving before. To sum up, in my personal view, it is not the government duty to support the retireds financially while there are host of problems in country that can covered via that money.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
retiring around the globe every day needing for financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that authorities should
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support
them, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of themselves. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cite that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the
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retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
financially
.
Primarily
, the fact that most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
retireds
are elderly is
entirely
inevitable. There is no question that they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new business again from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
beginnig
. Although, the need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the expenses. If they have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
backing, they will feel relieved from the point of income.
Furthermore
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
retireds
work for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is time for payback. They made an effort to do their jobs for all the past years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
they need to be
Consider using a past participle here: "relaxed".
relax
not
Possible spelling mistake found.
worring
about the money. Notwithstanding all the above-mentioned points, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
standing against that view. They assume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take care of themselves. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it seems the money can spend on better causes. To give an example, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
infrastractures
or building schools or other educational institutes.
In addition
,
in this case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give more tax from younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the aged ones and it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to young adults working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for others who
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoul
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
thaugh
about saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. To sum up, in my personal view, it is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
duty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
retireds
financially
while there are
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "hosts"?
host
of problems in country that can covered via that money.
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IELTS essay some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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