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Some think money is the most important factor for choosing a job. Others think enjoyment is more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some think money is the most important factor for choosing a job. Others think enjoyment is more important. lXgMQ
In today's world, finding a job is getting more and more attention from teenagers and young people. Some of them say that the most important aspect when choosing a job or your major of study is the income of that job or major. In my own point of view, I think that it does not matter how much money you could earn in that job and it is more important having a job that suits your ambitions and abilities. On the one hand, it is realistic that money is very important due to the costs of our living expenses and usual needs. Having a lot of money can bring people to higher living experiences and feel delightful about their lives. For instance, they can buy expensive cars or luxury houses for their personal wants or for their families, which can prove their life qualities a lot. Moreover, rich people often gain respect from other people and they are mentioned as successful people, which can make them become more popular. On the other hand, it seems that people could gain higher results in their careers only when they choose their dream jobs and have interests in that career. It means, you can actually create lots of wonderful things and get more achievements in your interested major than your uninterested one. Many scientists such as Stephen Hawking had chosen to be a scientist instead of applying to a normal job like other people, and as a result, he had become one of the greatest physicists by his research about the black hole and space, which is now still a very popular definition among scientists. Furthermore, passion is one of the most essential personalities and it can only be gained by working with excitement. With passion, you can work without rests as well as receiving higher working quality and proving your results. In conclusion, choosing a job by calculating their future salaries could have both advantages and disadvantages when looking at different perspectives. In my opinion, the cons outweigh the pros as long as people will not want so much money in the future.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is getting more and more attention from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them say that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect when choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or your major of study is the income of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or major. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it does not matter how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you could earn in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that suits your ambitions and abilities.

On the one hand, it is realistic that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
due to the costs of our living expenses and usual needs. Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to higher living experiences and feel delightful about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive cars or luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for their personal wants or for their families, which can prove their life qualities a lot.
Moreover
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
gain respect from other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they
are mentioned
as successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them become more popular.

On the other hand
, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could gain higher results in their careers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they choose their dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and have interests in that career. It means, you can actually create lots of wonderful things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more achievements in your interested major than your uninterested one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
scientists such as Stephen Hawking had chosen to be a scientist
instead
of applying to a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
like other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
as a result
, he had become one of the greatest physicists by his research about the black hole and space, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
still
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular definition among scientists.
Furthermore
, passion is one of the most essential personalities and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be gained
by working with excitement. With passion, you can work without rests
as well
as receiving higher working quality and proving your results.

In conclusion
, choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
by calculating their future salaries could have both advantages and disadvantages when looking at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives. In my opinion, the cons outweigh the pros as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the future.
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IELTS essay Some think money is the most important factor for choosing a job. Others think enjoyment is more important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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