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Some teenagers take part in different kinds of activities such as musical classes, sports classes and so on, but others only focus on one activity which is important to them. Which idea do you support?

It is critically important for people to develop skills in various fields to shape their lives. To be specific, teens should be active in multiple programs to enhance their competence rather than keen on a specific area. I think teens are enthusiastic to participate in different types of activities to enhance their creative skills and relieve from the stress. First of all, teens who are involved in multiple tasks like music classes or sports classes tends to be more creative. This means different activities allow young people to express themselves and increase their thought process. For instance, during my sophomore year, I took part in Karnatic music where I learned different notes and chords. With the help of those principles, I practiced myself to try something original and unique, so I worked on different tunes to bring the best out of me. Thus, not only I tried to create a distinct style but also composed my own new themes. Thereby, music classes aided me to increase my critical thinking which is crucial for learning process in the long-run. Had I not enrolled in the music class; I would have missed an opportunity to be more imaginative. Second of all, teens would rather relieve their stress by participating in variety of activities than working on one specific task. As young people are strained with academic tasks or work burden, they can get some relaxation by playing a violin or running on a treadmill. These activities will release endorphins which make humans happier and free from tensions. Consequently, with stress-free environment teens can be prolific. For example, during my second year, I had to complete my course work and prepare for the exams parallelly. At that time, I joined in violin classes and swimming classes to divert my mind from other things. Therefore, whenever I was stressed or in a low mood, I would either play my violin or go to swimming because I was immersed in those things which cheers me up from the pressured environment. In essence, I think taking part in distinct fields allow young people to be more thoughtful and stress-free. Which is why, I agree with the environment.
It is
critically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in various fields to shape their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To be specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
should be active in multiple programs to enhance their competence
rather
than keen on a specific area. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
are enthusiastic to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to enhance their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and relieve from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

First
of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
who
are involved
in multiple tasks like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
or sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
tends to be more creative. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to express themselves and increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process.
For instance
, during my sophomore year, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in Karnatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
where I learned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
notes and chords. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of those principles, I practiced myself to try something original and unique,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I worked on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
tunes to bring the best out of me.
Thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
I tried to create a distinct style
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
composed my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
new themes. Thereby,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
aided me to increase my critical thinking which is crucial for learning process in the long-run. Had I not enrolled in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
; I would have missed an opportunity to be more imaginative.

Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
would
rather
relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by participating in variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than working on one specific task. As young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are strained
with academic tasks or work burden, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxation by playing a violin or running on a treadmill. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will release endorphins which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
humans happier and free from tensions.
Consequently
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teens
can be prolific.
For example
, during my second year, I had to complete my course work and prepare for the exams
parallelly
. At that time, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in violin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and swimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
to divert my mind from other things.
Therefore
, whenever I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
or in a low mood, I would either play my violin or go to swimming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
was immersed
in those things which cheers me up from the pressured environment.

In essence, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
taking part in distinct fields
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more thoughtful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free. Which is why, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the environment.
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IELTS essay Some teenagers take part in different kinds of activities such as musical classes, sports classes and so on, but others only focus on one activity which is important to them. Which idea do you support?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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