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Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and uni. Discuss what the adv and dis might be for people who do this.

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and uni. Discuss what the adv and dis might be for people who do this. 363l
Working for a period of time after school and before the university can be highly beneficial for students to earn extra money and gain an insight into crucial skills at work. Although there are a number of advantages of school gap, I personally believe that it negatively impacts on children. On the one hand, one of the significant positive effect on student is money making. Job positions give children a wide range of opportunities to have a steady stream of money that can be highly beneficial for them because it leads to make them financially independent of their family from an early age. For instance, some people save a large sum of money in a gap year to use that for tuition fees. In addition, working can broaden their skilled horizon. Having a job before the university can be full of advantages for students to make familiar with a sense of commitment and team working in a job atmosphere and help them to raise their awareness about job duties. Also since most employers are in search of skilled worker, the experiences that have been gain from these job can give them a great chance in a stiff competition for a vacant positions in future. On the other hand, among the disadvantages of school gap there is ample evidence to support the view that some individuals who engage in working after school, become reluctant to back in academic education. Due to the fact that this school gap can continues farther a year, they are more likely to indulge themselves with working and find have hands on experiences as an essential factor in life than university qualification. Moreover, working after school can be wasting time for students, because they have to assume academic courses can change after the time they go to university. Therefore they are more likely to be failed in adjusting with new educational method. To conclude, although school gap can have several positive effects on student like gain more valuable lesson and money making, there are several draw backs that can negatively influence their life and contribute to negative effects such as being reluctant about study and wasting time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
for a period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can be
highly
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to earn extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and gain an insight into crucial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at work. Although there are a number of advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
, I
personally
believe that it
negatively
impacts on children.

On the one hand, one of the significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
positions give children a wide range of opportunities to have a steady stream of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that can be
highly
beneficial for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
financially
independent of their family from an early age.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
save a large sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
year to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that for tuition fees.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
can broaden their skilled horizon. Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can be full of advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
familiar with a sense of commitment and team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
atmosphere and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to raise their awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
duties.
Also
since most employers are in search of skilled worker, the experiences that have been gain from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can give them a great chance in a stiff competition for a vacant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "position"?
positions
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

On the other hand
, among the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
there is ample evidence to support the view that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals who engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, become reluctant to back in academic education. Due to the fact that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "continue"
continues
farther a year, they are more likely to indulge themselves with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and find have hands on experiences as an essential factor in life than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
qualification.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can be wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
assume academic courses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they are more likely to
be failed
in adjusting with new educational method.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
can have several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
like gain more valuable lesson and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making, there are several draw backs that can
negatively
influence their life and contribute to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects such as being reluctant about study and wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
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IELTS essay Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and uni. Discuss what the adv and dis might be for people who do this.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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