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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. 5xVD
In our modern society some people think that sharing some kind of confidential information (scientific research, Business) is beneficial to the society. And the other citizen's believe that this kind of information is valuable and it is restricted. In my view confidential information is sensitive as well as some people may misuse that data. Sharing information is quite useful in some times but not all the ways. Because spreading data means distributing secrets. For example, research scientist develop a particular algorithm, which used to control satellite. In this situation information sharing gives encouragement to the young stars and they can understand about latest technologies. Dispite that, some other hackers may destroy data and it leads to negative impact to government. On the other hand, business information is more valuable because entire business will depend on that details only, and it leads to damage to the entire organisation. For instance, a well known online shopping called Amazon, imagine if Jeff Bezos revile his business trade secrets than, what will be the position of his company? If he revile business idea then I think he would not becomes world richest person. Because competitors are dramatically increasing day by day for his empire. That's why protecting information is more precious. There is no doubt in that information is powerful thing in the world. They must maintain secrets. Where as, they need share about their creation beside that, it is useful to up coming generations. Overall, sharing information is useful to the society but there is some types of drawback to them. I thought that sharing information is fine. But it not necessary to revile every detail of innovation.
In our modern society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
(scientific research,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business)
is beneficial to the society. And the other
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'citizen'.
citizen's
believe that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is valuable and it
is restricted
. In my view confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is sensitive
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may misuse that data.

Sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is quite useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all the ways.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
spreading data means distributing secrets.
For example
, research scientist develop a particular algorithm, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to control satellite. In this situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
gives encouragement to the young
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stars and
they can understand about
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technologies.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dispite
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other hackers may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
data and it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is more valuable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will depend on that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, and it leads to damage to the entire
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
For instance
, a well known online shopping called Amazon, imagine if Jeff Bezos revile his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
trade secrets than, what will be the position of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
? If he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "reviles", "reviled".
revile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
he would not
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "become"
becomes
world richest person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
competitors are
dramatically
increasing day by day for his empire. That's why protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is more precious.

There is no doubt in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is powerful thing in the world. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
maintain secrets.
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
, they need share about their creation beside that, it is useful to up coming generations.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is useful to the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of drawback to them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is fine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
not necessary to revile every detail of innovation.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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