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Some Students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure? What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest

Some Students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure? What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest awAy7
It is irrefutable that in this contemporary era, working while studying has become common among students. Owing to which, they donot give proper attention to their studies. There are umpteen reasons behind it. As every loob comes with its bay, likewise this menace also have some special measures which I will scrutinize in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the first reason is financial crisis. To elaborate, nowadays, because of high inflation rate, students from low-income families faces myriad issues related to their education as the cost of acquiring higher education has been proliferated. Due to which, students decided to do part-time jobs alongwith their study. Thus, they can manage their expenses. To epitome, in Vietnam, majority of students are doing work and pay their fees by own. Hence, this creates a negative effect on their study. To curb this, government should decline the cost of higher education in universities. So that, everyone who belongs to impoverish family will attain knowledge at low price. Additionally, the other cause is the less facility in the developing nations as people migrate to developed countries and pay the money for their accomodation, food and travelling. To explicte, students visit to affluent nations for the purpose of study as their are less availability of higher educational amenities and they spend money on their daily work suchas rent, food as well as in commuting, which they earn by doing work after their college. Thence, they sometime become frustrated. To tackle this, it's the onus of authority to provide all facilities related to education and work in poor countries. Consequently, the need of moving to another nation will plummet. In compandium, undoubtedly, the university taking hefty money from students for higher courses and students take less opportunities in their nation and do their work to manage their fees. Although, the authority should solve this issue by providing all provisions in poor countries as well as also fall down the cost of higher education.
It is irrefutable that in this contemporary era, working while studying has become common among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Owing to which, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
give proper attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. There are umpteen reasons behind it. As every
Possible spelling mistake found.
loob
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its bay,
likewise
this menace
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special measures which I will scrutinize in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the
first
reason is financial crisis. To elaborate, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high inflation rate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from low-income families faces myriad issues related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as the cost of acquiring higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has
been proliferated
. Due to which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decided to do part-time jobs
Possible spelling mistake found.
alongwith
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Thus
, they can manage their expenses. To epitome, in Vietnam,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and pay their fees by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Hence
, this creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. To curb this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should decline the cost of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in universities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, everyone who belongs to impoverish family will attain knowledge at low price.

Additionally
, the other cause is the less facility in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migrate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
and pay the money for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
, food and travelling. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
explicte
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
visit to affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as
Did you mean "there"?
their
are less availability of higher educational
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
amenities and
they spend money on their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible spelling mistake found.
suchas
rent, food
as well
as in commuting, which they earn by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after their college. Thence, they sometime become frustrated. To tackle this, it's the onus of authority to provide all facilities related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in poor countries.
Consequently
, the need of moving to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will plummet.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
compandium
,
undoubtedly
, the university taking hefty money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for higher courses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to manage their fees. Although, the authority should solve this issue by providing all provisions in poor countries
as well
as
also
fall down the cost of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
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IELTS essay Some Students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure? What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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