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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? GEKg
Nowadays, there are several students doing part time jobs although they are studying at the same time. This may burden the students and could make them feel less interested in studies as well as they would have no time and energy to study. In this essay I will suggest some possible solution to enhance this situation. First of all, students have to look after their daily expense and have to maintain the budget for their tuition fee, accommodation and transportation. Furthermore, Government should free under graduation program as well and students must less their daily expenditure along the line living with their parents to save the rent. However, the problem is partly solved. Most common complaint among Students is that they do not have enough time or enthusiasm for studying after doing a tiring job. Well, I believe students shall do jobs in the related field in what they are studying, which will enhance the knowledge and work experience. Moreover, this is quite difficult to find job in same faculty one is studying, usually students find work at front desk or as waiters, which does not give any sense of education but they get paid. An alternative to make is to reduce the work pressure and job timings. In addition, it will diminish the pressure at jobs and would help to focus on studies more. In conclusion, I believe the lack of financial resources is the main reason students are working, but this problem could be solved by reducing the amount of fee. Secondly, student’s job hours and work burden should be wind down.
Nowadays, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
doing part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
although they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This may burden the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel less interested in studies
as well
as they would have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy to study. In this essay I will suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solution to enhance this situation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look after their daily expense and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain the budget for their tuition fee, accommodation and transportation.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should free under graduation program
as well
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
less their daily expenditure along the line living with their parents to save the rent.
However
, the problem is partly solved. Most common complaint among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
is that they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or enthusiasm for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
after doing a tiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Well, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
shall do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the related field in what they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
, which will enhance the knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.

Moreover
, this is quite difficult to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in same faculty one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
,
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at front desk or as waiters, which does not give any sense of education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid. An alternative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
timings.
In addition
, it will diminish the pressure at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to focus on studies more.

In conclusion
, I believe the lack of financial resources is the main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are working,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this problem could
be solved
by reducing the amount of fee.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hours and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
burden should be wind down.
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IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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