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Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university,to work or to travel.Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? 15VqM
Traditionally, high school seniors will either pursue college or enter the workforce after their graduation. However, these days, a third option- a gap year, wehre students defer university enrollment to travel or work, is gaining traction. WHile there are admittedly several benefits to students, I believe that the negative influences of this growing development are more glaring. On the one hand, delaying tertiary education for one year is advantageous to a certain extent. First gap year affords new graduates time to travel and immerse themselves in alien cultures, which helps them enrich their life experiences and hone practical skills. For instance, when living abroad, students will have to adap quickly to their independent life and pick up new foreign languages. Second, given that most high schools provide inadequate career guidance, sparing several months looking for job opportunites or attending vocational training courses will empower students to identify a suitable career path. Such experience would behardly attainable if high school graduates immediately enroll in university and become occupied with their intense study schedules. On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison with the significant disadvantages of having a year long break prior to embarking on higher education. A major drawback is the gap year takers may fall behind in their study as well as facing peer pressure, which could possibly drain their self confidence. In addition to this, hgih school seniors can lose momentum, find it hard to resume education after a long time being distracted from formal schooling. Last but not least, those young people are unlikely to save up money or cultivate relevant job skills during their gap year, which can be attributed to the fact that the jobs available to high school leavers are mainly entry-level ones that are neither pay well nor teach them anything substantive In conclusion, while taking gap year is not without certain benefits, I would contend that the given disadvantageous do not make it a worthwhile path.
Traditionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
seniors will either pursue college or enter the workforce after their graduation.
However
, these days, a third option- a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
wehre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
defer university enrollment to travel or work, is gaining traction.
Possible spelling mistake found.
WHile
there are
admittedly
several benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences of this growing development are more glaring.

On the one hand, delaying tertiary education for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is advantageous to a certain extent.
First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
affords new graduates time to travel and immerse themselves in alien cultures, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them enrich their life experiences and hone practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, when living abroad,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake found.
adap
quickly
to their independent life and pick up new foreign languages. Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide inadequate career guidance, sparing several months looking for job
Possible spelling mistake found.
opportunites
or attending vocational training courses will empower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to identify a suitable career path. Such experience would
Possible spelling mistake found.
behardly
attainable if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduates immediately enroll in university and become occupied with their intense study schedules.

On the other hand
, I
am convinced
that the aforementioned advantages pale
in comparison
with the significant disadvantages of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
long break prior to embarking on higher education. A major drawback is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
takers may fall behind in their study
as well
as facing peer pressure, which could
possibly
drain their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
.
In addition
to this,
Possible spelling mistake found.
hgih
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
seniors can lose momentum, find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to resume education after a long time
being distracted
from formal schooling. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, those young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unlikely to save up money or cultivate relevant job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, which can
be attributed
to the fact that the jobs available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
are
mainly
entry-level ones that are neither pay well nor teach them anything substantive

In conclusion
, while taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is not without certain benefits, I would contend that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
disadvantageous do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a worthwhile path.
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IELTS essay Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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