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Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, other argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, other argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. 565Me
Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, other argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. Some people estimate that parents have the crucial part in a child's evolution. Whereas other consider that other things have the major significant affect like friedns and television shows. The reason for the first perspective could be parents have direct interaction with the children. While the reason for second perception could be peers and environment are emotionally and socially attached with adolescent. This essay shall discussed both views and give opinion. To embark on first side, parents have critical characters in child's development because parents have direct interaction with them. To apprehend, when child was baby their parents provide a sense of identification. And they have most important effect on intellectual development and character traits from their parents. To illustrate, parents teach their child that what is beneficial for them and what is harmful. Moreover they also tell them which act is delight and which is offence. Thus parents have a crucial role in child's growth. To ponder on second side, friend and television have the most significant influence because they are emotionally and socially connected with child. To elucidate, after certain age period child learn everything from their parents and when they entered in society, they find out who they are comparing themselves to other. They learn about attitude, character and personality. To quote an instance, when children are adults, they want respect from others therefore they evolve precise attitude and personality. And that time period they influence by peers, movies or environment. Therefore friends and television are major role in child's development. In my opinion, I believe that we cannot say which one have majority on child's evolution. Parents use their most skills on children to teach when they are babies, whereas peers, television shows and environment help child to archive their goals in society. I think that both of them have significant role in children development. Hence, to conclude, this essay discussed the both perception about children growth and give its own opinion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
development.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or friends have the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
significant
influence. Discuss the both views and give your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
estimate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the crucial part in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
evolution. Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things have the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
significant
affect like
Possible spelling mistake found.
friedns
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. The reason for the
first
perspective could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have direct interaction with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While the reason for second perception could be peers and environment are
emotionally
and
socially
attached with adolescent. This essay shall
The verb 'shall' requires the base form of the verb: "discuss"
discussed
both views and give opinion.

To embark on
first
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have critical characters in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have direct interaction with them. To apprehend, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
was baby their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
provide a sense of identification. And they have most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect on intellectual development and character traits from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
that what is beneficial for them and what is harmful.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them which act is delight and which is
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
growth.

To ponder on second side, friend and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
have the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
significant
influence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
emotionally
and
socially
connected with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. To elucidate, after certain age period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
learn everything from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and when they entered in society, they find out who they are comparing themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. They learn about attitude, character and personality. To quote an instance, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are adults, they want respect from others
therefore
they evolve precise attitude and personality. And that time period they influence by peers, movies or environment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
development.

In my opinion, I believe that we cannot say which one have majority on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
evolution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to teach when they are babies, whereas peers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to archive their goals in society. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both of them have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development.

Hence
,
to conclude
, this essay discussed the both perception about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
growth and give its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, other argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
364 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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