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Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is it a positive development or a negative one?

It has become common for schools to restrict the usage of the mobile phone for childrens. Although these devices can bring safety and connectedness, many schools have decided to get rid of gadgets among the students. I believe that it is a positive development, which is beneficial for the academic progress of childrens. Firstly, restricting usage of mobile phones can improve the learning skills of students. Gadgets always distract childrens from the academic process and teacher, because they interfere with them. It is rather obvious that without these devices there are far fewer distractions for both teacher and students. It is hard for teachers to focus student’s attention on the lesson, when time-to-time they check updates from social media and scroll web-pages. Even student’s are not able to focus their mind on the lesson due to persistent distractions. Thus, they can lose a lot of considerable information on the class and it could have long-term effects on the progress. A full ban of devices frees students from this problem. Secondly, there is nothing more essential when it comes to health. And it is rather obvious that such restrictions have to improve student’s well-being. If students check their devices far fewer, they will avoid long-term problems with eyes and other persistent health issues, provided by mobile phone addiction. Moreover, the lack of devices could ameliorate a student's social skills, because under these circumstances they will be forced to communicate with classmates. In conclusion, taking into account briefly discussed arguments, I would like to reaffirm my position that restricting the mobile phone is a positive development, because it could improve student’s academic progress and well-being.
It has become common for schools to restrict the usage of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can bring safety and connectedness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools have decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of gadgets among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, which is beneficial for the academic progress of
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
.

Firstly
, restricting usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Gadgets always distract
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
from the academic process and teacher,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they interfere with them. It is
rather
obvious that without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
there are far fewer distractions for both teacher and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for teachers to focus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
attention on the lesson, when time-to-time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
updates from social media and scroll web-pages. Even
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
student’s
are not able to focus their mind on the lesson due to persistent distractions.
Thus
, they can lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
considerable information on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and it could have long-term effects on the progress. A full ban of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
frees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from this problem.

Secondly
, there is nothing more essential when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to health. And it is
rather
obvious that such restrictions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
well-being. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
far fewer, they will avoid long-term problems with eyes and other persistent health issues, provided by mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
addiction.
Moreover
, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
could ameliorate a student's social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
under these circumstances
they will
be forced
to communicate with classmates.

In conclusion
, taking into account
briefly
discussed arguments, I would like to reaffirm my position that restricting the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
academic progress and well-being.
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IELTS essay Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is it a positive development or a negative one?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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