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Some say that music, art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by some that the students at primary school must be taught creative subjects such as painting, music, and acting along with English, mathematics, and social science. This essay supports the above notion/ assertion, and it will firstly discuss how artrelated subjects help children choose their stream and why other subjects are also essential for them. Students should not be confined to study only basic subjects as it hampers their developmental phase. Moreover, this is the time when they can participate in art-based subjects, such as singing, dancing, and painting, which may help them in choosing the subjects of their choice at the secondary level. If a child is not interested in theoretical subjects, he must have other options to choose from. An article published in - ‘The Times’- stated that 80 out of 100 schools in the UK have added music and drama subjects to their curriculum in order to cater to the interests of learners. Are English and social science worthless subjects if taught to small children? No, every subject is essential for the overall as well as the cognitive development of the children. They need to be taught simple calculations such as addition and subtraction in order to buy anything from the school’s canteen or any random shop. Equally, basic communication skills are also required to socialize with others. Thus, these subjects will help them to experience a diverse variety of options in their school curriculum. For instance, a 10- year- old needs basic communication skills to have his/ her own social circle. Thus, giving them various options can prove to be rewarding for creative-minded students. In conclusion, every subject is important for primary school children, but if they do not get an opportunity for hands-on experience in various skills, their interest would diminish and they would not know their subjects of choice.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the students at primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as painting, music, and acting along

with English, mathematics, and social science. This essay supports the above notion/ assertion, and it will
firstly
discuss how
Possible spelling mistake found.
artrelated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose their stream and why other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
also
essential for them.

Students should not
be confined
to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as it hampers their developmental phase.
Moreover
, this is the time

when they can participate in art-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as singing, dancing, and painting, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in choosing the subjects

of their choice at the secondary level. If a child is not interested in theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have other options to choose from.

An article published in
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
‘The Times’- stated that 80 out of 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in the UK have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
music and drama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to their

curriculum in order to cater to the interests of learners.

Are English and social science worthless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
if taught to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
? No, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is essential for the
overall
as well
as

the cognitive development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They need to
be taught
simple calculations such as addition and subtraction in order to

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
canteen or any random shop.
Equally
, basic communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
also
required to socialize with

others.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to experience a diverse variety of options in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.
For instance
, a 10-

year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
needs basic communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to have his/ her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
social circle.
Thus
, giving them various options can prove to be

rewarding for creative-minded students.
In conclusion
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity for hands-on experience

in various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, their interest would
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diminish and
they would not know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of choice.

IELTS essay Some say that music, art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at primary level.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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