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Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages ?

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages? nw1n
Today, there are so many opportunities for people who work at home as there are possible facilities in workplace. However, some people think that it can create some obstacle which is opposite to development while others find out that it is a good way to the productivity of work. That is why this essay will compare the advantages of this case to the disadvantages via several perfect examples. First of all, some organizations can not create enough facilities to work at home to their employees. This phenomenon lead to shrink of the productivity of work. More over, most workers can not work as required by their boss when they are busy among family problems. It is the fact that such obstacles cause more stressable condition. That is to say, it is harmful for their health. Second of all, that is a big chance to most workers. For example, it does not require extra money to go to workplace. Instead of spending this money, they can buy good things which they need to work at home. Further more, they can spend more time with their familiy members at home while others are attending to workplace. This case is better for the behaviour of their children. In conclusion, if we check the benefits and harms of this process, it is said that working at home is better than travelling to workplace every day in possible jobs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home as there are possible facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacle which is opposite to development while others find out that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to the productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
That is
why this essay will compare the advantages of this case to the disadvantages via several perfect examples.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organizations can not create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home to their employees. This phenomenon lead to shrink of the productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. More over, most workers can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as required by their boss when they are busy among family problems. It is the fact that such obstacles cause more
Possible spelling mistake found.
stressable
condition.
That is
to say, it is harmful for their health. Second of all,
that is
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chance to most workers.
For example
, it does not require extra money to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
Instead
of spending this money, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things which they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home.
Further
more, they can spend more time with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
familiy
members at home while others are attending to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
. This case is better for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of their children.
In conclusion
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the benefits and harms of this process, it
is said
that working at home is better than travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
every day in possible jobs.
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IELTS essay Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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