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Some say that because many people are living much longer, the edge at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Through time, human beings have developed different ways to make their lives easier in a lot of areas, such as health and medicine, global warming, leissure activities, jobs and many more. Due to this, is that humans are living much longer than they used to ages ago, this is why some people believe that we should work in longer terms of time and the edge of retire should be raised. I disagree completely because living a longer life does not necessarily mean that the quality of life is better. For example, my grandmother went through lung cancer for several years, and I never thought she was able to work even though she was in her early sixty’s. In my opinion we spend all our lives raising money just to live, and we do not have enough time to enjoy it. So being forced to work longer periods of time is not the quality of time we deserve. Also I belive that companies whould have to create new jobs that are compatible with older people, so they can take care specifictly of their health, and that might end being a negative change to the company in terms of numbers. Instead of raising the edge of retire, I would hire a bigger number of workers and train them in a way that they can develop their work in the best quality as it can be. In conclusion, in my opinion there is no need to keep more people working (specially older ones) if you can have less of them but more efficient.
Through
time
, human beings have developed
different
ways to
make
their
lives
easier in
a lot of
areas, such as health and medicine, global warming,
leissure
activities, jobs and
many
more.

Due to this, is that humans are living much
longer
than they
used
to ages ago, this is why
some
people
believe that we should
work
in
longer
terms of
time
and the edge of retire should
be raised
.

I disagree completely
because
living a
longer
life does not
necessarily
mean that the quality of life is better.
For example
, my grandmother went through lung cancer for several years, and I never
thought
she was able to
work
even though
she was in her early sixty’s.

In my opinion we spend all our
lives
raising money
just
to
live
, and we do not have
enough
time
to enjoy it.
So
being forced
to
work
longer
periods of
time
is not the quality of
time
we deserve.
Also
I belive
that
companies
whould
have to
create new jobs that are compatible with older
people
,
so
they can take care
specifictly
of their health, and that might
end
being a
negative
change
to the
company
in terms of numbers.

Instead
of raising the edge of retire, I would hire a bigger number of workers and train them in a way that they can develop their
work
in the best quality as it can be.

In conclusion
, in my opinion there is no need to
keep
more
people
working (
specially
older ones) if you can have less of them
but
more efficient.
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IELTS essay Some say that because many people are living much longer, the edge at which people retire from work should be raised considerably.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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