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Some poeple think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

Some poeple think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. XGPOY
Numerous countries have tried to put up various innovative ideas in place to make best use of a person's prison time, whether prisoners should sit idol or do some community work is an on-going debate. I agree for certain crimes, prisoners should let do some community work under close watch. Firstly, prisoners would get the opportunity to spend time with community and get a chance to understand importance of it. Being a social animal, everybody needs a safe and civilized community around him, so a person should always try to strengthen the community rather than spoiling it. For instance, few are accused only for a month or two for some petty crime. In prison, they would get the company of dangerous criminals who would try to imbibe the characteristics of a criminal. So they should be kept outside and give a chance to understand society and do something for it. Secondly, There are a lot of projects which government starts for the welfare of society if prisoner contribute to these projects, they will feel connected and part of society. In a society of good, civilized people, prisoners would also learn a better way to live life and might not commit the crime again. For instance, Juvenile courts generally give verdict in terms of social service for a specified period only, which has given very positive results. To conclude, based on the intensity of crime, a criminal must be given a chance to start one's life again by doing community service, rather than directly putting up against seasoned criminals who will only lead to a bitter end.
Numerous countries have tried to put up various innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in place to
A determiner is probably missing here: "make the best".
make best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a person's prison time, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
should sit idol or do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work is an
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
debate. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
for certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
work under close
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to spend time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to understand importance of it. Being a social animal, everybody needs a safe and civilized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
around him,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a person should always try to strengthen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
rather
than spoiling it.
For instance
, few
are accused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for a month or two for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In prison, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who would try to imbibe the characteristics of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
outside and give a chance to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and do something for it.

Secondly
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
projects which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
for the welfare of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoner
contribute to these projects, they will feel connected and part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, civilized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
would
also
learn a better way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
life and might not commit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again.
For instance
, Juvenile courts
generally
give verdict in terms of social service for a specified period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results.

To conclude
, based on the intensity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
one's life again by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service,
rather
than
directly
putting up against seasoned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to a bitter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
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IELTS essay Some poeple think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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