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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? KwoXN
A large number of museums demand an amount of money for entering, whereas other museums do it without any charge. This essay believes that disbenefits outweigh advantages that being charged such historical places could have detrimental effects on visiting frequences. Firstly, this essay will discuss how charging could reduce the number of spectators and their interests and secondly will show how this payments would weaken their value to a large extent. First and foremost, each year there are a wide range of tourists that visit our country. Their interest is in our ancient temples, sightseeings or historical backgrounds of our culture. Charging museums could diminish this quantity, as well as, visitors’ incentives. For example, In Paris ‘Louvre’ museum indicated that charging has caused a 20% decrease of travellers for the last 2 years. Moreover, it does not matter how little the amount is, in any case, this charging process is not appropriate for a destination demonstrating its own country’s culture. Consequently, their promotion or value could be reduced due to its measuring degree. For instance, according to statistical figures among museums all over the world payment accounts for the greatest percentage among other factors that weaken the value of these buildings. On the other hand, this kind of paying could give a hand in constructing the building. Furthermore, monetary issues are always greatly needed in any area such as restoring, changing the design, increasing the amount of antique items. In other words, in terms of this payment could help all museum employees being provided much better. For example, 7 out of 10 museums in Canada expend the money for admission on reconstruction or restorement. In conclusion, when admitting a variety of museums people have to pay an amount of money, whereas there are plenty of free museums. Significantly, this essay maintains the adverse sides of this payment. Additionally, it could have a worse impact on making museums with less worth, otherwise, reducing the quantity of audience.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
demand an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money for entering, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
do it without any charge. This essay believes that
Possible spelling mistake found.
disbenefits
outweigh advantages that
being charged
such historical places could have detrimental effects on visiting
Possible spelling mistake found.
frequences
.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of spectators and their interests and
secondly
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
would weaken their value to a large extent.

First
and foremost, each year there are a wide range of tourists that visit our country. Their interest is in our ancient temples,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sightseeings
or historical backgrounds of our culture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
could diminish this quantity,
as well
as, visitors’ incentives.
For example
, In Paris ‘Louvre’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
indicated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
has caused a 20% decrease of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
for the last 2 years.

Moreover
, it does not matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
is, in any case, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charging
process is not appropriate for a destination demonstrating its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country’s culture.
Consequently
, their promotion or value could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to its measuring degree.
For instance
, according to statistical figures among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
all over the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
accounts for the greatest percentage among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that weaken the value of these buildings.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, this kind of paying could give a hand in constructing the building.
Furthermore
, monetary issues are always
greatly
needed in any area such as restoring, changing the design, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of antique items. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, in terms of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
employees
being provided
much better.
For example
, 7 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Canada expend the money for admission on reconstruction or
Possible spelling mistake found.
restorement
.

In conclusion
, when admitting a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money, whereas there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Significantly
, this essay maintains the adverse sides of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
.
Additionally
, it could have a worse impact on making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with less worth,
otherwise
, reducing the quantity of audience.
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IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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