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some peopre fhlnk sports ond gornes orc importonl for sociely, while ofhers beft'eve they should be foken os leisure ocfivifies. Discuss bolh yiews ond give your opinion

some peopre fhlnk sports ond gornes orc importonl for sociely, while ofhers beft'eve they should be foken os leisure ocfivifies. Discuss bolh yiews ond give your opinion Vg8K
In the past era, the majority of students wanted to be a doctor or an engineer but now the situation has been changed. students are choosing other fields as a career such as sports, entertaining industry, various arts and crafts, etc. some citizens believe that sports and games play a vital role in the community, however, others consider it as leisure activity only. I agree with the former view and in the upcoming paragraph I will discuss my view in deep Firstly, sports and games have various kinds of advantages such as the students who are interested in sports can make their career in that field. For instance, MS Dhoni and Sachin Tendulkar are some of the best gems who represent our country at the international level. Secondly, such leisure activities can make a person fit and active. The one with a busy and stressful schedule can make himself relax. Moreover, various sports events such as Olympics, IPL which are organized in our country can make a strong bond between foreign countries. and it increases the nation's value and economic growth as well. However, opponents argue that games are just for relaxation. some parents believe that if their children will give their leisure time to sports activity then they can not concentrate on their study and career. In addition, not everyone can make their career in sports field. to conclude sports and curricular activity are important for relaxation and fitness and they play a major role in a student's career opportunity.
In the past era, the majority of students wanted to be a doctor or an engineer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the situation has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
students
are choosing other fields as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, entertaining industry, various arts and crafts, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and games play a vital role in the community,
however
, others consider it as leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view and in the upcoming paragraph I will discuss my view in deep

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and games have various kinds of advantages such as the students who
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in that field.
For instance
, MS
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhoni
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the best gems who represent our country at the international level.
Secondly
, such leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a person fit and active. The one with a busy and stressful schedule can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
himself relax.
Moreover
, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as Olympics,
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPL
which
are organized
in our country can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a strong bond between foreign countries.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
it increases the nation's value and economic growth
as well
.

However
, opponents argue that games are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for relaxation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
parents believe that if their children will give their leisure time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
then they can not concentrate on their study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
In addition
, not everyone can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
field.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
conclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for relaxation and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fitness and
they play a major role in a student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
opportunity.
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IELTS essay some peopre fhlnk sports ond gornes orc importonl for sociely, while ofhers beft'eve they should be foken os leisure ocfivifies. Discuss bolh yiews ond give your opinion

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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