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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. WJjN
There is always an argument among people, about a person’s personality after being released from prison. Some people who believe in humanity assume that it is a good idea to use these people to make teenagers confront with the reality of life. In my concern, it is somehow even essential. However, necessary precautions need to be taken. It is obvious that when someone becomes a criminal and goes to jail will never be who he or she was before. Nonetheless, this change can have positive influences. To illustrate, if there is an opportunity for a person in prison to find his or her way, and if the government tries to rehabilitate prisoners by doing some activities like providing education and a good library in prison, there will be a might for prisoners to start a wonderful life and become a well-experienced individual after prison time. Definitely, this person can teach this precious experience, which he paid a lot for, to the community and especially to teenagers. Consequently, in future, teenagers will not try to have that kind of behavior and this will uproot a crucial problem. In addition, most teenagers don’t seem to not know all the negative consequences of being in penitentiary. For instance, after being free from jail, law-violators may suffer from prejudice or discrimination from ordinary people in the society. Thus, obviously, only ex-prisoners can tell others how it feels. On the other hand, it is even good for ex-prisoners in the way that telling their story to others will give them a good feeling and help them to be more accepted in the society. Consequently, they could have a chance to start their lives again from the beginning. To summarize, I entirely support that teens should attend a talk given by ex-prisoners in order to raise their awareness of the consequences of breaking the law.
There is always an argument among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, about a person’s personality after
being released
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe in humanity assume that it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
confront with the reality of life. In my concern, it is somehow even essential.
However
, necessary precautions need to
be taken
.

It is obvious that when someone becomes a criminal and goes to jail will never be who he or she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Nonetheless, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences. To illustrate, if there is an opportunity for a person in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
way, and if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
tries to rehabilitate prisoners by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities like providing education and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
library in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, there will be a might for prisoners to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a wonderful life and become a well-experienced individual after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
time. Definitely, this person can teach this precious experience, which he paid a lot for, to the community and
especially
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
Consequently
,
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will not try to have that kind of behavior and this will uproot a crucial problem.

In addition
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
don’t seem to not know all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of being in penitentiary.
For instance
, after being free from jail, law-violators may suffer from prejudice or discrimination from ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society.
Thus
,
obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ex-prisoners can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
others how it feels.
On the other hand
, it is even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for ex-prisoners in the way that telling their story to others will give them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
feeling and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in the society.
Consequently
, they could have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
again from the beginning.

To summarize
, I
entirely
support that teens should attend a talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by ex-prisoners in order to raise their awareness of the consequences of breaking the law.
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IELTS essay Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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