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Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. 2JDb
One of the most prominent and important events in the world is the Olympic games, which have been held in different countries every four years. Although some assume that it costs a lot for host countries to develop and build new structures and places, others consider this event as a rare opportunity to collect people from various cultures. Olympics is known as a symbol of peace and being chivalry in competitions. This is an international event and all countries can have a chance to contribute. A considerable amount of people like tourists travel to these places to watch the games. It can make many opportunities for people from various nations to exchange their cultures and make friends. Also, these friendships help people to realize deeply that they can live together peacefully when they communicate with each other. On the other hand, many of these host countries have many less developed areas and they should spend money on developing them. Whereas, many financial sources have been allocated for constructing and renovating the required infrastructures for the games in some main cities. These sources can make significant changes in far lands. For instance, if a production factory is constructed in these regions, many job opportunities will be made for unemployed people. As a result, the standards of living will increase remarkably. To conclude, like all subjects, the Olympics has its benefits and drawbacks. I believe that by controlling and decreasing reasonably the costs for these games, countries can save more money. Consequently, there would be more sources to use to solve different issues.
One of the most prominent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the world is the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which have
been held
in
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
every four years. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assume that it costs a lot for host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to develop and build new structures and places, others consider this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
as a rare opportunity to collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various cultures.

Olympics
is known
as a symbol of peace and being chivalry in competitions. This is an international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can have a chance to contribute. A considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like tourists travel to these places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various nations to exchange their cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends.
Also
, these friendships
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to realize
deeply
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together
peacefully
when they communicate with each other.

On the other hand
,
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many
of these host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
less developed
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
areas and
they should spend money on developing them. Whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
financial sources have
been allocated
for constructing and renovating the required infrastructures for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main cities. These sources can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in far lands.
For instance
, if a production factory
is constructed
in these regions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities will
be made
for unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, the standards of living will increase
remarkably
.

To conclude
, like all subjects, the Olympics has its benefits and drawbacks. I believe that by controlling and decreasing
reasonably
the costs for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can save more money.
Consequently
, there would be more sources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
issues.
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IELTS essay Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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