Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think the schools should be more entertaining. Others do not think so. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v.1

Some people think the schools should be more entertaining. Others do not think so. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 1
It is a know fact that crime by minors is on the rise and many blame media and its depiction of violence for the same. This essay examines the reason behind this and also talks about the possible solution that can be implemented. Like the popular notion that the way media, which includes movies, TV series, games and sometimes even news show violence trigger a lot of these crimes, I am of the opinion that it's true. Most of these entertainment formats today are filled with gory sequences of guns, swords and blood. These scenes, in the garb of realism simply cater to the hidden killer instinct that humans possess. Children unfortunately, are the biggest targets to these. For example, there are numerous crimes where kids who play violent video games go out and do a frenzy mass shooting in the exact same style. What happens is, when you repeatedly play, see or interact with images like these, it gets normalized for you and that is what leads to a lot of crimes. However, imposing strict regulation on content could prevent a lot of these happenings. While movies are rated for suitability, there is no such provision for games and web series. For instance, you could totally see a 7 year old kid running over people and shooting them for no reason in the GTA. We need to ensure that children in the age where they could be easily triggered or influenced be restricted from accessing any form of entertainment media that has bloodshed. In conclusion, I strongly stand by the idea that violence in the media is one of the reasons behind juvenile crime and the way to prevent it is by ensuring restricted access for kids to these kind of content
It is a know fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by minors is on the rise and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
blame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and its depiction of violence for the same. This essay examines the reason behind this and
also
talks about the possible solution that can
be implemented
.

Like the popular notion that the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, which includes movies, TV series, games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
violence trigger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, I am of the opinion that it's true. Most of these entertainment formats
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are filled
with gory sequences of guns, swords and blood. These scenes, in the garb of realism
simply
cater to the hidden killer instinct that humans possess. Children unfortunately, are the biggest targets to these.
For example
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
where kids who play violent video games go out and do a frenzy mass shooting in the exact same style. What happens is, when you
repeatedly
play,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
or interact with images like these, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
normalized for you and
that is
what leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
crimes.

However
, imposing strict regulation on content could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
these happenings. While movies
are rated
for suitability, there is no such provision for games and web series.
For instance
, you could
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a 7 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
kid running over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and shooting them for no reason in the GTA. We need to ensure that children in the age where they could be
easily
triggered or influenced
be restricted
from accessing any form of entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that has bloodshed.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
stand by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that violence in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is one of the reasons behind juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it is by ensuring restricted access for kids to
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of content
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the schools should be more entertaining. Others do not think so. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts